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Union Dues

VAGABOND

By Michael W. Hirschorn

All conversation guaranteed verbatim during breakfast in the Freshman Union rotunda.

"HEY, we find out about housing tomorrow."

"I'm quadded--I know it. I know it. I just know it."

"I heard some girls from Wigglesworth already know they're going to North House and some guys in Holworthy already know they're in Mather. The girls heard it through an inside source, but they won't tell me who it is. But don't mention it to them cause they're pretty bummed about it."

"I have all these midterms. I'm going to fail--I just know it. We get back our Brinkley tests today and I got an Expos term paper due tomorrow and an Ec test today and a math test today and another paper due right when we get back..."

"What are you doing over break?"

"Going to the Bahamas and I have to meet with my advisor today because I'm on Ac Pro and I'm comping HRB even though I'm not allowed to..."

"Why don't you just kill yourself."

"I mean really, I spoke to my mother yesterday and she's flying off to Colorado with her new boyfriend to go string and I have to hang out in New Jersey."

"I overheard someone saying that Kirkland and Eliot didn't completely fill first round."

"Yeah, but Adams and Lowell closed out."

"That 72 percent gets their first choice bit is bullshit. Someone told me everybody gets into Eliot and Kirkland but only 40 percent get into Adams and Quincy."

"I mean just about everybody's going to Adams. I mean look at the Rotunda. All of Mower, Thayer, Weld, Wigglesworth is there Everybody."

"I'm there."

"This girl I know who lives in Adams told me that the cool people sit by the window and other people have to sit further away depending on how cool they are."

"Do you want some coffee?"

"No, I'm like totally caffcinated. I've had three liters of Tab and about four cups of coffee at the Tasty at live this morning."

"I haven't slept since Sunday."

"Yeah me too, plus my rentals are coming up tonight so I have to clean up my room."

"I'm not into families."

"My parents were really pissed about my grades cause I got straight A's at Andover and now I'm on Ac Pro."

"I'm thinking of doing EST."

"How do you stay awake?"

"I don't. I sleep from three in the afternoon to midnight and then I stay up all night."

"I can never sleep because the people next door are always having sex and they bung against my walls."

"Someone told me you get ulcers from living like this. I don't think Tab and salud is good for you."

"The key is just stay cool and don't freak out."

"Sort of like mayonnaise."

"Where you living next year?"

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