Life in the Fast Lane

THE PATHETIC SAGA of Princeton University student Gabrielle Napolitano attracted nationwide attention this spring. A 3-7 GPA senior cruising toward law school. Napolitano was caught in February with a Spanish-American literature paper almost entirely lifted from the work of a famous scholar. When pressed by her professor. Napolitano admitted that more than the passages which had been footnoted belonged to someone else. The paper was that of Josefina Ludmer, almost word for word. Following a drawn-out disciplinary process. Princeton denied her a diploma.

To many, Napolitano's act of plagiarism itself was shocking, Yes, Grandma, cheating pervades campuses these days--even within the prestigious Ivied walls. But what made the senior's blunder news-worthy was her unprecedented retaliatory action Napolitano sued Princeton, confessing to the plagiarism rap but claiming that the University had denied her "due process" under law. Napolitano fought in court for her diploma and lost, though she has vowed to take the issue to the U.S. Supreme Court if necessary. She told Time magazine. "My whole purpose is to avoid having the label of plagiarist attached for the rest of my life."

Predictably, Napolitano has received little pity. Despite her failure in court, she became the martyr for what may become a new and troubling movement on campus. By rationalizing cheating in her own mind. Napolitano narrowed the purpose and usefulness of higher education, reflecting a board new attitude towards college Aspirants like the ex-Princetonian seem to enter school with unmalieable objectives. The means to the end are unimportant, this breed gets what it wants.

How to Beat the System: The Student's Guide to Good Grades by Columbia grads Kathy Crafts (summa cum laude!) and Brenda Hauther attempts to legitimized and even glorifies this unsavory approach to college. The authors actually devote a sizable chunk of the book to the art of cheating itself. "Cheating should be resorted to only in the final depths of despair," they conclude. "If you have sunk that low and there is really no other way out," twisting the rules becomes excusable. Thus they provide a few of the better suggestions and hints to guide your cheating. "Coughing codes and answer passing in class are apparently riskier techniques than the bathroom plant and the old-fashioned cribsheet. What of reworking an already-published essay as did Ms Napolitano? A "much safer" and a "beautiful way" to produce the last minute paper, say the authors.

How to Beat System joins an innumerable legion of schlock paperback gimmicks now decorating cash register counters at the Coop But in contrast to the merry Preppy Handbook and the 101-things to do with-a-cat books. How To smell rotten--like the kid who stole Geometry homework in the 10th grade. The authors seem to believe what they preach arguing earnestly. "It would be a shame it [any college student] should, through simple ignorance of the system, be rejected by every medical school in the world. "Their merciless blugeoning of the language only complicates the crime: "Comparing high school to college is like trying to compare a white Kleenes to an intricately woven seventy-foot high tapestry."

Although the book lacks any humor and quality, it inevitably will sell well because of the implicit guarantee. You come with us kid, and you've got it made a high grade point average, a flawless transcript, a ticket to the grad school of your choice. "What more could an eager freshman ask for? As the author argue. "What you have actually learned is something else entirely...no one expects you to "know" anything. They just want to see that little piece of paper covered with honors."

MORE DISTURBING than the reckless pursuit of "success" recommended is the book's paranoia and condescending tones. Consistently exploiting guts puts you a on a rather common level of academic non-achievement. Authors Crafts and Hauther ("one a lawyer one an M.B.A.") would lower the lowest common denominator: The easy way out becomes an honorable way of life. To the all-important outside world--monolithically labelled "THEM" throughout--"a 3.5 is a 3.5; no one has to know that you got it with History of Photography or Italian Renaissance Painting. "Trust no one, they add, and cut as many corners as possible before Commencement Day. At no time is unnecessary contact with teacher advisable: "They do not count as people; they are part of THEM." Advisers would never really help you select courses, "never, ever, ever." And if you insist on going to lecture and are bespectacled, you're in business: "People who wear glasses have a definite advantage because they can tilt their heads and let the light flash off the glasses. No one can see that their eyes are closed."

Rational, Students reading How To won't run to get their eyes checked. How many of these "helpful" hints--printed in all capitals for easy reading--would change your life? "MAKE SURE YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT SECTION." "PLAN YOUR PROGRAM CAREFULLY." "NO GRADE IS FINAL." "YOU MUST TAKE EVERY EXAM AND YOU MUST TURN IN ALL REQUIRED PAPERS. "How about getting a head start on a major freshman year? Don't unless you are "ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY AND DECIDEDLY SURE that you know what you want."

The doctrine expoused by Crafts and Hauther and carried out too faithfully by the forlom Princetonian, Napolitano, goes far beyond the cliched dangers of pre-professionalism. These folks achieve in college merely to clench a career. They also view the entier four-year experience with scorn--as a game played against a system which threatens to slap them with a bum grade and send their lives, families, future children and bank accounts down the tubes. These darlings of the New and More Vicious Darwinism rationalize their suggestions in a conclusion entitled "Now You Are Ready to fight"..."No grad school or employer expects you to know anything, in any depth. Besides, you have learned something that will be a hell of a lot more important in the long run; how to use a system to your advantage."

Most colleges allow some students to turn educational avenues into super highways, suitable for racing through a university toward a fat transcript, but little else. What graduates of the nonsensical "No Nonesense" approach to learning do once the land their coveted jobs remains unclear. But with EMPLOYERS, SALARIES and CHANCES FOR PROMOTION, the relentless pursuit of SUCCESS would seem likely to continue. It is in this renewed but more mam-month crusade that the notorious Princeton non-graduate insists she should be free of the label "plagiarist." Crafts and Hauther presumably composed this book on their own, but their achievement seems even more reprehensible than that of Napolitano.