For the Professor Who Has Everything

Santa Claus must dread dealing each yuletide with Harvard professors and administrators. His elves probably flee the workshop when mail from these ivory towers comes in. Just to solicit these requests, the big red man has to untangle the University's big red tape. And when the gift lists do emerge from the laboratories and the libraries, they are dominated by intangible, high-browed items.

A popular request among the University Hall affiliates this year is "peace." William Bossert, McKay Professor of Applied Mathematics, John R. Marquand, assistant dean of the College, and Robert M. Coles, professor of Psychiatry and Medical Humanities, all head their lists with some form of international harmony.

Coles adds a more personal plea, asking for "a little bit of prosperity for the people of this country, of which I am one."

Prosperity is what John P. Reardon, director of Athletics wants too. "I want an Ivy championship in both men's and women's basketball." But Frank McLaughlin, who coaches the men's squad, acknowledges that hard times might give Santa problems meeting everyone's wishes. So McLaughlin says he'll settle for "a couple of big wins."

Another gift in high demand this holiday season is "time." Oscar Handlin, Pforzheimer University Professor, John E. Dowling, Biology Professor, Stanley Hoffmann, Dillon Professor of the Civilization of France, William Alfred, Kenan Professor of English, and Margaret E. Law, Registrar of the Faculty, each asks for more time off or more time in the day.

Cabot Professor of American Literature Alan Heimert specifically asks for "the vacation time for the proper water temperature" to use the new windsurfer that tops his list.

Some want goods which would more directly enhance their scholarly work. Robert Brustein, Professor of English reiterates his annual wish for "a $5 million endowment for the American Repertory Theater." Failing that, however, the Loeb Drama Center director said he would settle for "a Pac-Man addition to my word processor."

North Pole technicians ought to have quite a time trying to satisfy E.O. Wilson, Baird Professor of Science. "I want a machine that would transport me instantaneously between the office and the Amazon rain forest," he says. Others seek equally uncanny research aids. Thomas R. Martin, assistant professor of the Classics asks for "an immense personal library open all hours of the day."

Professor of Anthropology David R. Pilbeam wants not more books, but the real thing. "A complete Ramapithicus skull" is his Christmas wish.

But the real thing isn't quite the gift for Dean of Students Archie C. Epps III. "I'll take one of the non-authentic Rembrandts from the Fogg," he said.

"That would be perfect for me."