Think You've Seen It All?

It is October of your senior year and your Harvard experience is almost complete. You've seen a hundred tofu cheeseburgers come and go. You've seen Ted Kennedy, Archibald Cox and Hugh Flick on the streets of Cambridge. You've seen Love Story nine times. You are jaded and experienced and you have seen it all--almost. You haven't seen a Harvard football team beat Princeton.

If you have a grandfather or great-uncle who went to Harvard he may have told you about a Harvard-Princeton game that Harvard won, but he may have been making it up. Nobody can really remember when it last happened--certainly not since your parents have been alive--but there are stories that say back in the 1890s Harvard eked out a 6-2 victory. Then again, that might have been basketball.

Okay, the last time the Crimson did beat Princeton was back in 1976. Gerald Ford wasn't there, but he was President. Harvard lost its way through a whole Democratic Administration worth of Princeton games, except for the 24-24 tie in 1978.

Of course, there have been excuses, and one or two of them may have been justified. Last year, for instance, the Tigers surprised the heavily-favored Crimson by showing up with flippers and snorkel gear and then moving the game to the lost continent of Atlantis, hidden somewhere on the Princeton campus. Harvard lost the nautical tussle, 7-3, in a game that featured some really good punting.

The year before, the two teams staged what has been called the least interesting football game ever played. The teams fumbled nine times, and Harvard ballcarriers rushed for a total of 44 yards on 45 carries. The Tigers finally iced the contest with a heartstopping field goal inside the game's last ten minutes.

It's a good bet today's game will be more exciting than those two. Supposedly, Joe Restic has cooked up a play that will send ten eligible receivers downfield at once and then drop Ron Cuccia from the Goodyear Blimp. Princeton, on the other hand, has the worst defense this side of Chuck Wepner, including a self-destruct secondary that has allowed over 150 points in five games. A whole team of Bayonne Bleeders living an hour south of Bayonne.

I've said it before but it really does look like a Harvard win. The prediction this time is HARVARD 28, PRINCETON 17. One for the seniors....

***

I have decided not to ask my crystal ball for predictions anymore, and instead, I am asking Crystal Gayle. Here are her thoughts in the Ivies this week:

YALE 92, PENN 6: "You gotta be rough, you gotta be tough," sings Crystal in "Too Many Lovers," and Yale is. The Bulldogs are the finest team the Ivies have seen in the last ten years, and even Crystal can see that Penn just doesn't have the horses to keep up. Another long day for the Quakers, who ought to be used to it by now.

CORNELL 2, DARTMOUTH 0: "Why have you left the one you left me for?" Crystal asks Cornell's Bob Blackman, former Dartmouth coach. Crystal isn't too sure about which sport they are playing, though, so she preducts two Karl Habib goals and a Darren Eliot shutout.

COLGATE 63, COLUMBIA 0: You've been talking in your sleep," Crystal admonishes Columbia's Bob Naso for he has leaked his entire game plan to the Red Raider staff. Don't fret, Bob, they didn't need it.

HOLY CROSS 49, BROWN 35: "Smile if it kills you," she crooned in "Too Good To Throw Away," and Crystal's advice is taken to heart by Brown's John Anderson, who still has the league's best post-game conferences.

Last week: 2-2. Season: 16-11. .593. NIT bid coming up...