Rain Clouds Over Schaefer

I am no longer a Patriots fan. Or, at least. I am no longer an active one. After New England lost last Sunday, for the fourth time in a row, I officially designated myself a fair weather fan.

In my room back home there is a hole in the wall, put there by my fist a couple of years ago when the Pats lost that playoff game to Oakland. There are other reminders of my days as a fan of that sorry team: A severely dented wastebasket, a banged up door, one or two permanently frayed nerves.

No more. I'm a fair weather fan now, and I will happily carry on my back all the evil connotations that go along with that title. I will cheer for them when (if) they win, but only during the 11 p.m. news, after the verdict is in.

I'm tired of being told at the beginning of each season that the Patriots will win the division. It happens every single time. If it's not Roy Reiss, it's some other clown -- "watch out for the Patriots! They're looking really really tough!"-- and then they lose.

I'm tired of being told that the secondary looks really mean, that John Hannah is the best lineman ever, and that Steve Grogan's knee or shoulder or whatever the hell he keeps injuring is finally feeling stronger.

Last season, a Globe sportswriter was given the silent treatment by all the players because he called them a bunch of losers. Well, since I don't plan on hanging around the locker room, it doesn't matter too much if they give me the silent treatment, so here goes: The Patriots are a bunch of losers. The Patriots are a bunch of losers. The Patriots are a bunch of losers.

That was easier than I thought.

I feel better now that I have that off my chest. Maybe now I can admit to my roommate from Buffalo that the Bills are a better team. Maybe I can admit to myself that the Patriots will not go the playoffs. Ever.

Come on, you try-- it's easy! The Patriots are a bunch of losers. By the way, if John Hannah or Steve Nelson come around looking for me, I'm not home.

Now that I've said all this, the Patriots will probably start some amazing turn around and win the rest of their games. Actually, probably not. But if they do, there's no problem. I'll just write a column saying how great they are. After all, I'm a fair-weather fan.