From Hollywood for the Holidays

If Hollywood knows little else, it knows when the market is good, Christmas season is one of those times--when families regroup at home and head for the movies when they discover they have nothing to talk about. About the second week of December, the studios unleash a barrage of new and old films across America. In keeping with tradition, this year's crop is no bumper.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture--Surely the highlight of the Hollywood Christmas season is this week's release of the long-awaited Star Trek movie. At more that $49 million, Gene Roddenberry's epic-to-be is one of the most expensive films ever made. But the high price tag is for a good cause--a guaranteed audience of devoted trekkies has been waiting for this one for ten years. They're selling reserved seats in most theaters, but if you bribe the doorman, you're bound to get in.

The film's expansive plot reflects the expense of the production. The Universe as it is known at the time of Star Trek is threatened by an alien force of huge and unprecedented proportions. The entire crew of television's Starship Enterprise is reassembled to beat back the menace. All of your old favorites will appear on the silver screen. A slightly grayer and heavier William Shatner portrays the ever-courageous and feisty Captain James T. Kirk, Leonard Nimoy puts on his ears for the Mr. Spock act and DeForest Kelly dons the stethoscope as Dr. McCoy. This has real potential to be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The Rose--Even if Bette Midler, former queen of New York's Roman baths and reigning queen of bawdy rock and roll doesn't get an Oscar for her performance as a Janis Joplin clone rock star of the '60s, this movie will still rake in the big dough. Why? Because despite some wooden acting by the supporting cast, The Rose has got lots of "sex, drugs and rock and roll." It also has Midler, who, despite the movie's flat finish, is phenomenal in her Hollywood debut.

Rose spirals downward for two hours, as parasitic people struggle to make a living off her talents. There are some brilliant moments in the film--Midler's return to the transvestite club she once haunted, Midler's gutsy rendition of "When a Man Loves a Woman"--but director Mark Rydell must be the most pessimistic man behind a camera. There is no comic relief, no reminder that, in the long run, good can prevail, no hint that justice is done. If you take away Rose's guts, you're left with an awfully familiar theme--only the good die young. So what else is new?

And Justice for All--Don't pay attention to the critics or the ads. This is one of the worst films ever released. And Justice for All attacks the evils of our judicial system with all the subtlety and flow of random hammer blows. Injustices are hurled at you for two hours--with Al Pacino donning the knight's armor and defending them all.

Nothing goes right in this film except for Pacino--who has enough energy to handle eight cases, watch his partner go insane and take a fellow lawyer to bed. There are no sane judges, no rational lawyers, and no "proper" verdicts. There are, however, rapes--both heterosexual and homosexual--pornographic pillars, political corruption and nervous breakdowns. Yes, the innocent and contrite are abused and the evil go free. Only Pacino's performance saves And Justice for All from what must be the worst script Hollywood has ever produced.

"10"--This film about a Hollywood Hills song writer, his hokey girlfriend and perverted neighbors is, in one word, terrible. Dudley Moore--of Good Evening fame--limps along mightily, running into Beverly Hills cops, the back of his telescope and, finally, the beautiful Bo Derrick. The woman is a "14" but, for some reason, her hair dresser thinks she's a Rasterfarian.

"10" doesn't even satisfy those who are out for sexual thrills. There are scenes in this film--when a broken-down woman admits her sexual problems, first to Moore, and then to a bartender on the coast of Mexico--that are embarrassing. There are performances in this film--why did Julie Andrews cut her hair and leave Germany?--that are unspeakable. And there are parts of this film--critical explanations that might help you understand what's going on and why--that were left on the cutting room floor. Avoid.

Kramer vs. Kramer-- The media rabble hails this as the best film of the decade. It's dramatic, moving, charming, honest, well-acted, and well-written--great. But God's gift to moviegoers? Scroogle.

Kramer is an adaptation of one of those best-selling, touching novels that appeared a few years ago. Stunningly beautiful Meryl Streep plays Joanna Kramer, who walks out on a torturous eight-year marriage to her ad-man workaholic husband Ted (Dustin Hoffman) and her seven-year-old munchkin (Justin Henry). The divorce leaves Ted to mother his son, and for months he fails dismally; but after they establish poignant love, Joanna reappears and wants Billy back.

Ted reacts bitterly and the two head for the courtroom and a disturbing custody battle. May you live in exile in a U.S. embassy if you don't react with smiling leers at the ending.

Meryl Streep is America's finest movie actress, and Dustin Hoffman gives his best performance since The Graduate, but the kid, Justin Henry, steals the screen.

He will probably throw up over his snow pants if he gets called cute or adorable ever again, but he is--cute, adorable.