Of Machines and Alumni

This is the story of a machine. Actually several machines. First there is my car. You know the familiar story--"when it works, it's great!" This fall it hasn't. It's been in the shop more often than Harvard has changed quarterbacks.

Then there's the Harvard football team. Like my car, it has been (quarter) backfiring. It's offense has had to be rebuilt every time it's used because of signal caller injuries. Last week Burke St. John came back and the offense looked well-oiled to start the game but it needed a valve job by the end.

The defense, which had kept loses respectable in the early-season, was badly in need of bolt-tightening and gave a previously pitiful Darmouth offense a clear track up and down the gridiron.

The Princeton Tigers have been behaving something like a lemon from a used car lot but they traditionally beat up on the Crimson regardless of the records of both teams coming into the game. But so much for machines that haven't been working well.

Universities depend on school spirit and enthusiasm for alumni support. Successful football teams are vital to many schools for this, but for Princeton, the Tigers merely have to take the field to give graduates an excuse to send another check to Nassau Hall.

Because of Princeton's recent transition to a coeducational institution, jealous older alumni have been disappointed in the breakdown of their alma mater's traditions.

One tradition that will not change is the all-male character of their football team so the alumni funnel themselves through the armpit known as northern New Jersey every autumn weekend Princeton has a home game.

With a weekly alumni magazine, significant yearly reunions and outrageous tailgates, you get the feeling that the most noteworthy accomplishments of most graduates is having attended Princeton. And for any Tiger football team, it is merely to provide a reason for the alumni to get together and compare Top-siders, flourescent pants and scotch.

Football games, no matter what the outcome, are something of a filling station for the Lear Jet engine of Princeton's alumni drive.

Harvard also turns the crank on its $250 million campaign this weekend. While Princeton fans can get revved up just by being around a football stadium, Harvard alums are more sophisticated and will give regardless of whether the teams even play. But if you want to get the fundraisers psyched, a win would be nice.

Harvard 17, Princeton 14. Tiger alumni won't know the outcome until their second Bloody Mary at Sunday brunch anyway.

Yale 40, Penn 3, Cause for celebration in Philadelphia as the Quakers break on to the scoreboard. Who ever let pacifists play a game like football? Our guest selector, Duane Glasscock is the only known clone on radio. He's also the only predictor in the world (well, I can't call him a man or a machine) to pick Penn, Colgate 3, Columbia 2. A Sominex Bowl. But brush before bed.

Cornell 24, Dartmouth 7. Woodsmen will fall easily to the agriculture and hotel people.

Brown 27, Holy Cross 10. The Pope left town weeks ago and with him went any fear of the Crusader football team.