Not a 'Dear John' Letter

After writing my mother a letter in last week's column, I fully expected a reply from the ol' gal to arrive in my mailbox this week. Well, Tuesday came--no letter. Wednesday came--no letter. THURSDAY came--no letter. And then yesterday, just as I was packing my bags for Princeton, the president of The Crimson, Frank Connolly ambled up to me. "J.D.," he said, "I think we should talk." He was holding a piece of paper that read as follows; October 25, 1978

Mr. Francis "Frank" J. Connolly

President, The Harvard Crimson

14 Plympton St.

Cambridge, Mass. 02138

Dear "Frank,"

I am writing to you about my son John, the sports editor of your newspaper. I know you are a respected figure around the campus and on The Crimson, so I though perhaps you could help.

First of all, he is spending altogether too much time at your newspaper, and I'm sure he is falling behind in his studies. I know he has to really knuckle down this semester because he's taking four courses that sound very hard: History 1370, Biology 106, Visual and Environmental Studies 107, and Astronomy 8.

Second of all, his predictions have been terrible, and I want you to get rid of that silly "The Sports Cube Predicts..." box. And you can tell that clamhead that he is not invited home for Thanksgiving after picking Dartmouth over Harvard.

And last of all, "frank," my son's spelling is atrocious, so please tell him to get on the ball. Our family actually spells it's name "D-O-N-N-O-L-L-Y," not D-O-N-L-E-Y."   Sincerely,   John's Mom

P.S. Tell him he can pick Princeton this week if he wants to, but if he does we're not paying for law school.

*****

Law school may be out of the question anyway, if my LSAT score is anywhere near my predicting percentage for this year. In any event, here are this week's picks:

HARVARD at PRINCETON--This is a funny game each year. The Tigers have upset title-contending Harvard teams at the Stadium twice in the last four years. But then again, how often has Princeton won at Palmer Stadium the last couple seasons? Quite frankly, Larry Brown is due. Harvard 45, Princeton 16, and if I'm wrong, why not be wrong in a big way?

RUTGERS at COLUMBIA--This is a funny game, too. Rutgers 21, (ha-ha), Columbia 10.

DARTMOUTH at CORNELL--This one is dead serious; the loser will be just about out of the Ivy picture, the winner in good shape. The Big Green has to be hurting after the physical punishment Harvard dished out last week, so the only way they'll win is to break NCAA rushing leader Joe Holland's legs. Cornell 21, Dartmouth 16.

HOLY CROSS at BROWN--Talk about serious. The Crusaders got destroyed by Brown last year, 44-13. This year, they're not only stomping mad, they're undefeated. Reports of Brown's death were greatly exaggerated, but let's face it--Holy Cross is tough. Holy Cross 28, Brown 20.

YALE at PENN--The Elis have been doing a collective Roger Moret imitiation the last three weeks, and Penn hasn't lost an Ivy game on the Franklin Field turf in two years (does Harvard 20-8) mean anything to you?). But, geez, it wouldn't be any fun to see Yale out of the title picture come November 18. Yale 14, Penn 13.

LAST WEEK: Two right, two wrong, and the Columbia-Yale tie, which I'm pretending doesn't count.

SEASON: 16-11 (.593, which if it were an LSAT score, wouldn't even get me into Klutztown State Law School).

SEASON HARVARD GAMES ONLY: 1-4 (.200, which is what you get for just signing your name at the test).