There Aren't No Lectures To Be Heard

This past week parodies of two of the country's rags rolled off the presses to a chorus of laughter and snores. First, The New York Times hit the streets for the first time in nine weeks--in the form of "Not The New York Times." Millions roared. Then The Crimson was rather poorly copied by some undersexed Black Angus cows from the north who are lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut, as my roomate says. Millions yawned.

Late last night the most recent attempt at such infantile humor--"What Is Not to Be Done"--was found in a dumpster behind the Hong Kong Chinese restaurant under a pile of chicken wings. The following is exerpted from that publication's not the lecture column.

Highlighting the coming week will not be the appearance of writer and storyteller, Isaac Bashevis Singer, not the recent winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature. Thus, The Swedish Academy of Letters did not cite the author for his "impassioned narrative art which, with its roots in a Polish-Jewish tradition, brings universal human conditions to life," adding that current comparisons of Singer's work to that of Russian author Leo Tolstoy have absolutely no validity.

Singer likely will not attend his lecture next Tuesday in Sanders Theater at 8 p.m. Student tickets: $1.50 at the door.

But if you are still interested in Singer's work, which he mostly wrote in Yiddish, you would be foolish to drop by a talk on "The Place of Yiddish Literature in East European Culture" next Monday at 4:30 p.m. in Boylston Auditorium since Chone Schmeruk, a professor at Hebrew Univ. in Jerusalem, will not be giving the lecture.

Schmeruk's absence has no connection with the celebration this weekend of the establishment of Harvard's new Center for Jewish Studies. Likewise, two talks scheduled for Sunday are unrelated to this event. Not beginning at 1:30 Sunday afternoon in Science Center C, Salo Baron of Columbia will discuss "Problems of Jewish Identity From an Historical Perspective," and Saul Lieberman, of the Jewish Theological Seminary of America, will not follow him with a schpiel on "The Achievements and Aspirations of Modern Jewish Scholarship."

Here's one teaching fellows need not attend because they already know all there is to know about the subject--teaching sections. Samuel Beer, Eaton Professor of the Science of Government, C. Roland Christensen, Baker Professor of Business Administration, and George W. Goethals, senior lecturer on Psychology, will discuss anything but "Leading Small Group Discussion." Monday in Science Center A at 4:15 p.m. It seems as skippable as Astro 8 section.

While we are not on the subject of astronomy, George B. Field, Paine Professor of Practical Astronomy, will not be able to give his scheduled lecture intended for non-specialists on "The Mass of the Universe" next Wednesday at 8 p.m. in Science Center B, because he has not been able to find a scale large enough to weigh the damned thing.

Likewise, Walter Gilbert, American Cancer Society Professor of Molecular Biology, has been forced to cancel his talk on "Proinsulin from Bacteria" scheduled for this afternoon at 5 p.m. in room 18, 2 Divinity Ave. Al Vellucci, the former mayor of Cambridge, who is known for his strong support of recombinant DNA research, could not be reached for comment.

Barbara Rosenkrantz, professor of the History of Science, next Wednesday, 8 p.m., at 3 Church St., will not speak on "A Social History of Disease and Health in America" as the next installment in the Cambridge Forum series on "What's Teach and Why."

Bill Russell, John Havlieek and Bob Cousy will be the subjects of a lectare next Monday at 4:15 p.m. in the Quincy JCR on "Celtic Gods and Irish Saints." Liam de Paor of University College in Dublin will not speak.

Finally, John Paul Cubed I. the newly named successor to the late Pope John Paul John Paul I who died last week only 19 minutes after his investiture according to "Not The New York Times," will deliver the sermon during this Sunday's Memorial Church service. His topic will be "Longevity of Life." The Peter Gomes Solidarity Committee has announced plans to demonstrate outside the church to protest the passing over of Rev. Gomes, as well as Rabbi Ben Zion Gold, in the papal selection process.

Not Campus.