Mozart and Jock Tok (sic)

Well, this is it. The last home fall sports weekend. But we're still living in the glory of last weekend, part of which was spent in Providence, Rhode Island.

After soundly trouncing Bok's Jocks in football, this footloose journalist hopped into his customized van and took off for Providence, where there was supposed to be a football game. We watched the Brown-Harvard encounter--myself and all the other people in the stadium. We watched the game and noted that at the end Harvard had fewer points than Brown, and we declared the Crimson the loser.

But the day was far from over. Being typically resourceful people, we noticed that the ticket stub offered a free drink at a nearby hotel. We coerced more than 40 people out of their ticket stubs and by 7 p.m. we arrived at the inn. We stayed there for more than three hours taking advantage of our free cocktails, although I had to drink bourbon-and-seven-hold-the-bourbon because I had to drive home.

But all of that's over now, and I'm looking forward to this weekend, when we're going to have a really good show. You see, Pennsylvania is coming to town. No, Virginia, not the entire state of Pennsylvania or Virginia. Of course I mean the University of Pennsylvania, that Ivy League school in the City of Brotherly Love. The city of losers--the 76ers, the Phillies, Frank Rizzo, and long-sleeve Lacoste shirts.

This weekend we're going to do something different with Penn--we're going to try to get it admitted to Houghton Library. Everyone knows how sensitive those rare books people are about ink, so when an entire school named Penn enters the library, those librarians will probably go bonkers.

And speaking of libraries, I'm entering my collection in that contest for the best undergraduate library. Sure, my library is organized around one motif--mysteries. I have all the classics, including "The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of the Stolen Treasure," "Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Stolen Treasure," and my favorite, "James Bond and the Treasure of the Mystery Stole."

But don't let this weekend be a mystery, even though there isn't very much going on sports-wise around the campus. This afternoon there is nothing going on that I know about. There will probably be some touch football games around and there might even be some interesting lectures around that I'm sure you'll want to catch.

Likewise on Friday. If you find something good, call me up (collect, of course) and tell me about it. Don't call me at 11 a.m. because I'll be busy taking a test then.

But Saturday is a completely different story. There are so many things happening that I won't be able to fit them all into my radio (sic). In the morning, at about 10, you'll be able to catch rugby action at its best. On this particular morning, on this particular Saturday, on this particular Soldiers Field, on this particular planet, on this particular page, Harvard will be playing McGill. That's a school in Canada. The McGillicuddies will be fully equipped for the match, wearing their favorite shoulder pads, hip pads, helmets and skates. And they'll be trying to score tries with the benefit of their sticks, which have just the right amount of black tape on them.

When we talk soccer, we talk 10:30 and we talk the Business School Field. That's the time and place Harvard will battle Penn. Go to this game. You'll have fun. That's an order, even if you don't go to Harvard. If you've got any complaints, see the manager.

And let me tell you about football. Have I got football for you! The Harvard-Penn game will commence at 1:30 p.m. and this weekend is freshman parents' weekend. This means that all members of the Class of 1981 who have children will be admitted to the contest at reduced rates. And don't feel too bad when you find your tickets are on the Penn side. That's where I had to sit during the Penn game when I was a freshman.

You won't believe it but there are some professional sports going on around this town. F'rinstance (sic), the Bruins are taking on the Buffalo Sabres tonight at the Boston Garden at 7:30. And they're going to play another game on Sunday, although this game will be played against the New York Islanders, who all talk funny.

Tomorrow night at 7:30 p.m., the Celtics play the Denver Nuggets, who are very good. They have Thompson, who can jump up, quarter on the rim and leave change on the way down. Understand?

And I forgot to tell you about the latest craze in sports--music. Of course everyone has heard the national anthem played before baseball games, and Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" at football games. Well, Saturday night Bernard Brauchi, a clavichordist, will be giving a lecture and recital on the use and social role of the clavichord. The whole gala will begin at 8:30 and will happen in the Quincy House library. New clavichord sports will also be discussed.

Also, F. John Adams will be giving another of his Beethoven lectures at 8:30 Sunday, night in Leverett Dining Hall. In Music 1 last year, these lectures were incredible and I'm sure they'll be equally amazing this time around. And I'm not kidding about this.

Before I go, let me remind you to write to Rich, who writes the rock column and tell him not to quit. We've already received one letter and expect many more. See you next week, right here on this very page.

Be there. Aloha.