Playing the Golden Apple

ONCE UPON A TIME in a land called York, there existed an empire where all the people loved sports. And all the great players came to York, because it was such an exciting place and because the local scribes would write great things about the sports heroes of York.

The majestic city had many teams, and many great players. There was Sir Joe of Broadway, the first of York's swinging athletes, who possessed a wealth of talent on the football field. At times, though, it seemed that Joe liked popcorn and aftershave better than football; but the scribes still praised him, for he was a winner, (And besides, all of York's fair maidens loved him.)

Sir Joe led a team known as the Jets, who shared a great castle with a team called the Mets. Throughout the land, there was a rumor that the Jets and Mets were not friends, even though they played on the same field. The Mets were owned by a miserly old richman, the Earl of Grant. This thrifty owner, known as Don to his friends, paid his players too little and acted selfish about his fields. He would never let the Jets play on his grass while the Mets were still playing. The scribes did not like selfish people, and they began to call the Earl bad names.

There was also a basketball team called the Knickerbockers who played in a garden, which was a silly place to play since there were always circuses and horse shows there. But no one complained, for the Knicks were the best team in all the lands. And the scribes loved the winners, and the people loved their team.

The city of York soon grew more and more attractive to the great players. With many wealthy noblemen owning the York teams, players got great, big bags of gold for their services. York also had those scribes, who wrote more about their beloved athletes than anywhere else in all the world.

One day, a sad Prince Burke sold his baseball team, the Yankees, to King George the Steinbrenner. Prince Burke was quickly sent to the garden to look after the Knicks and Rangers, for it was said that he was a great merchant; but alas, Prince Burke killed all the flowers in York's pretty garden.

It came to pass that York grew to be known as the Golden Apple, although no one was sure shy, for there were no orchards in all of York. Yet while all other teams were fading away, King George and the Yankees started to catch fire. Rich and powerful George brought many stars to York and paid them high wages. This made the wealthy players lazy, some said, for they cared about money more than baseball.

All this time, the scribes turned upon their own players. When King George hired Duke Billy to manage the Yankees, the problems grew. The Yankees got a new castle to play in as a gift from the rulers of York, who rebuilt the Castle of Ruth, which had been the Yankee's home for so long. And this gift smelled of corruption, so the scribes talked badly of it. Also, Duke Billy was a controversial sort, and he had problems with his players, especially Sir Reginald, who always seemed to fall off his horse.

And thus the once happy sports world of York began to crumble. No one was winning and all the superstars were leaving. The scribes, once so favorable, now wrote bad things about how players were lazy, and overpaid, and how they fought with each other. This especially hurt the Yankees, who were the most overpaid. But they were also the only winning team.

And so the empire declined. Sir Joe was sold and Sir Julius the Doctor left too. Even Sir Clyde, whom the scribes had to leave and go to Cleveland. There also sprang up in the land of Jersey a new castle to which the football Giants and the basketball Nets moved. (But perhaps the loss of the Giants was not mourned, for no one liked the owner, cheap King Mara. Besides, the Giants never won anything--they just gave away all the good players.)

Even Sir Tom, the hero of the Mets, was forced to leave by the mean Earl of Grant. And the scribes wrote more about fighting and lazy players, and less about heroes, and good things, and sports.

Through all the gloom, King George and his band of wealthy discords kept winning. And the fans of York loved them and cheered for them. Even though the players were not true men of York, they fought valiantly for their land. And still the scribes wrote of the evilness of rich King George. But no one stopped to say, "Ah, but George has kept the winning way in fair York."

And so the empire declined and even the great Olympics would not come to the Golden Apple, scared away by all the nasty news of which the scribes wrote. And the city that once loved its athletes and praised its winners, now called its only winners "hostile," and "troubled," and "overpaid." It was a dark turn of events for the once great empire of York, and rich King George was the target of most of the anger. But still he could look out at the people and say, "I have brought you winners. Remember their tasks on the field, and let their lives off the field be private. For would you rather have me as King of York or miserly old Grant?"