News
Garber Announces Advisory Committee for Harvard Law School Dean Search
News
First Harvard Prize Book in Kosovo Established by Harvard Alumni
News
Ryan Murdock ’25 Remembered as Dedicated Advocate and Caring Friend
News
Harvard Faculty Appeal Temporary Suspensions From Widener Library
News
Man Who Managed Clients for High-End Cambridge Brothel Network Pleads Guilty
Old traditions never die
At least at Harvard, don't ask why
So no matter how absurd it
Seems (we all have heard it
Several times at least before)
Settle back at least once more
Genial as old friends meeting
The Crimson's Merry Christmas Greeting:
Narrator:
At Christmas time we give up all rancor
And smile sweet as cherubs at those we've bitten.
We'll pretend to be more Albert Schweitzer than Shanker
Get furry and cute, and make like a kitten.
The Crimson (we know) has been damned for pomposity
If you only knew what swell guys we are!
But nothing convinces like sweet generosity
So here, to our friends, a small Yuletide cigar!
Cigar:
Bang!
Chorus:
First we proclaim our long-concealed ardor
For the man who won't lie to you, Jimmy E. Carter
But, soft, Derek Bok, you're our President too,
You were on Meet The Press--we were so proud of you!
Narrator:
He was on TV
He's good enough for me
But the President's market he didn't corner--What about Mrs. Horner?
Chorus:
Ike and Tina Horner
Sing for the Brothers Warner!
(A child enters with a very old man. He is wearing wrapping paper, she the Yves St. Laurent "new Look")
Old Man:
What do you have my little one for your friends?
Child:
I got bucks for Hank Rosovsky and genes for Al Vellucci
And royalties for Doris Kearns to deck her out in Gucci!
For Dershowitz a D.C. job and for his client Reems he might
Let us arrange a date with beautiful Shere Hite!
For Heimert I've a whale to talk to after hours--Together they can nosh on Sherman Holcombe's cauliflowers!
First we greet those we've learned
Are slouching towards Washington, to be confirmed:
Bow-tied John Dunlop, arch-anti-inflator,
And Master Vorenberg, a Jimmy-come-later.
Profs. Dershowitz, Nye, Haar and Katz--May Senate committees give consent and eclats.
Enough of Harvard's far flung magi
Chaire to loyal stay-at-home Greg Nagy.
A surreal stew for Octavio Paz
And a public policy on Arthur Maass
From scientists and their quibbles, please save us--
And make peace between Lewontin and Davis.
If anyone deserves a full sock he
Might very well be Jim Kubacki
Since silence is not golden merely
We grant a new larynx to Coach Bill Cleary.
In the coming exam crunch
Bless Tommy Stephanian and his eponymous Lunch.
Fond adieux to Paul A. Cantor
Lowell's Miltonic gourmet Santa.
Goodwill to Goodwin, Doris K.,
To Harvey Mansfield, a big fat A.
May the dark shade of Thanatos
Ne'er o'ertake maestro James Yannatos.
As Glee Club jets from Bonn to Karachi
For F. John Adams, nonstop vivace.
Goldman and Sacks that's the ticket
For Nineteen Eighty; ole, Miss Fickett.
Jack Daniels we don't grudge the Devil
A pill in his stocking for Roger Revelle.
Eckstein, Caves and Kenneth Arrow
Tread the macro straight and narrow
Teach Economics less wassail-y
Now that Galbraith's in his chalet.
Hosannas to the Moores, both Jonny and Barry
Maximum Gorky and Commodore Parry.
Trudging to D.C., safe on his merits.
Mike Kinsley's a pilgrim to eretz Peretz.
Not even slush could possibly curb a
Wish to say, "Noel," to Sidney Verba.
For B.F. Skinner, a stick and a carrot
For John Clive a bowl of mulled claret.
Put a new log on the brazier
It's Melting Pot Fondue for Nate Glazer.
Chorus:
Glazer? Glazer? Wasn't he the straight man?
Who was his partner, the one they call the Great Dan?
(Enter Society Matron)
Matron:
Not Dan! Not Dan! Those who love him call him Pat!
We dress like him and talk like him and we wear the Moynihat!
Chorus:
We dress like him and talk like him and we wear the Moynihat!
Matron:
And some day, I've heard it quoth (straight from Archie Epps!)
He'll stand straight and take the Oath right on the Capitol Steps!
(All bow their heads low)
Chorus:
We'll sing songs and eat crepes
Right on the Capitol Steps!
(spoken) What other gifts have ye Baby?
For David Herbert Donald, whose goatee has been shed.
May dreams of grits and greens dance inside his head.
For Rapid Robert Amdur, the Bronx Bombers rise once more,
And what a gift! Chief Gorski's cops and all the B. and G. men
I've arranged it so their kids can meet the Fellows Nieman!
For John Marquand, a great momento
Dinner on the town with Pat Sorrento!
Chorus:
Hey, you schnooks,
What about Lewis Brooks?
Or, you swill,
Typist Greville?
Child:
Lewis gets to take a trip and visit many homes
Cheering and giving counsel with the Reverend Peter Gomes.
For Seymour Slive another Juno
For Romance Lang one more Bruneau
While Kiley lives the life of Reilly
His gestures studied by Laurence Wylie.
A ton of choicest hash from Kabul
Plied on to logical Stanley Cavell.
Alas, no chimes ring out for Stephen Hall--As for the rest, we love 'em all.
Epps and Arthurs, Daly and Fox.
Sissela, Derek and the little Boks.
Boiling cups of Christmas cheer.
To Bloomfield, Bowersock and Beer.
Rattling every liberal's bones
From The House to E-House, Hugh Lloyd-Jones.
Before our eyes mist up and get blearin
Drink, salute to Doc Bill Doering.
Of Levin and Wender we've heard a-plenty
What kind of X-mas do they have in Chem 20?
Trinkaus and Trivers get a trip to Darwin;
And a boat to Rhodesia Laura Garwin.
While we are telling the sheep from the goats
We baaaa with respect to both Master Vogts.
Ruling South House with the wisdom of Creon
Good will and good cheer to Rulan C. Pian.
Greetings on this laundered day
To expurgator Ernie May.
Good will and good cheer to Rulan C. Pian.
Greetings on this laundered day
To expurgator Ernie May.
If any can the Russkies fool 'em
It's Kremlin banshee Adam Ulam.
One more theorem from Fermat
For Andy Gleason and Raoul Bott.
Keeton gets a torte, a Sacher
A dose of bivalent for Warren Wacker.
On Donner, on Blitzen, on Omeljan Pritsak
On Vixen, on Cupid, on Mangol Bayat.
Chorus:
Lest we forget those whom we've neglected
Lest it be thought they're not respected
We tip our hats to Dean Rosovsky
Clifford C. Lamborg-Karlovsky
Oscar Handlin, Daniel Bell,
Both MacCaffreys, Frank Freidel,
All the Wilsons--well
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Nobel.
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.