Savoir-Faire

There might be an Ivy League war on tap for Saturday, but by the tone of a conversation recorded yesterday between Crimson coach Joe Restic and his Brown counterpart John Anderson, you'd think that the Crimson-Bruin confrontation will be more like the annual Friends Academy PTA meeting.

RESTIC: Well, John, I guess we'll be getting together on Saturday.

ANDERSON: That's right, Joe, it's been a year now since we last socialized. We really ought to do this more often.

RESTIC: I wish I had the time, but things have been really hectic around here. Besides John, you were, and I really hate to say this, but I've been simmering for 52 weeks, and, well, you were pretty rude, being a guest and all, at last year's affair.

ANDERSON: You know, Joe, you're absolutely right, and I've been meaning to apologize to you for my behavior last year. I guess I just got carried away.

RESTIC: Carried away, now that's putting it mildly. Not only did you thoroughly embarrass your host, me, but you ruined the party for all of the other guests, and they paid a good deal more than you for the privilege of attending.

ANDERSON: Yeah, but Joe, look at the favor I did you. I angered you so much that a week later, when Cozza and his boys paid you a visit, you were much better prepared to receive them.

RESTIC: Well, John, I tell you what. Looking back, I guess you really did do me a backhanded sort of favor, and you know what they say, an eye for an eye and first down for a first down, right? So here's what I propose. This weekend in Providence, my behavior will exactly match yours of a year ago. Now how does that sound?

ANDERSON: Now hold on Joe. I've always been a big believer in returning favors, especially between good friends like you and me, but do you have to reciprocate this weekend of all times? This weekend, when a) all of the alumni are coming to the party, b) it's the biggest event down here since the days of Rip Engle, and c) my labors in planning for this celebration, the occurence of which I've been anticipating for almost three years, will only be rewarded if you behave.

RESTIC: I'm terribly sorry, John, but what are friends for? On the other hand, you might be getting a real break. You see, I've got this friend Kubacki, who, until he went on the shelf last week, has really been swinging this fall. Now as you know, he was also invited for Saturday, but I don't know how well he'll be recovered from his hangover. His continued absence might sober me up a little.

ANDERSON: Speaking of newcomers, Joe, I've also got a friend whose acquaintance you haven't yet made. His name's Bateman, and he's the best drinker we've had down here since Roger Williams. He'll be tough to eat, believe me.

RESTIC: No kidding. Well, I've got to go now, John. This phone is in constant demand. I'll see you on Saturday, though. And remember, a host should be gracious, always gracious.

ANDERSON: O.K., Joe, I'll see you then. And in case I forget to mention it later, or we can't get together in the meantime, the party's at your place next year, but it's two weeks earlier than usual. I'm sure that that Kubacki character will be healthy by then.