Records Made To Be Kept

Before we start rolling here, how about a quick Saturdaymorning imitation of Ernie Roberts?

Thoughts while shaving: Ow! Damn these x#**##!7% blades!

Seriously though, everyone knows the Harvard-Yale game has a great tradition behind it, but does anyone know what that tradition is? I'm talking to you, Ivan Ivy League. Do you know anything about the history behind The Game, or does the Jack Daniels leave you disoriented by the middle of the second quarter?

Well at any rate, you're in luck. Here now are all those important little-known facts about The Crimson-Bulldog affair that should make you the hit of the tailgate party circuit, as well as put the game in the proper perspective.

Longest Run in Harvard-Yale game: Two weeks. In 1958 Harvard tackle Marty Lefski ate 497 prunes as part of a Pi Eta Club initiation on the eve of The Game. As a result, Lefski did not play in the classic and didn't make it out of the Dillon Field House bathroom until the beginning of reading period.

Longest Pass in Harvard-Yale game: 27 rows. In 1924, in the thick of Prohibition, Yale student Wally Lipshitz started the alcoholic bucket brigade which eventually saw a half-gallon of Wild Turkey inhaled in 17 minutes.

Biggest Masochist in Harvard-Yale game: Yale immortal Brian Dowling, who in addition to quarterbacking Yale in that famous 1968 29-29 tie, also returned punts, which is about as safe as running a sweep behind the pulling block of Kingman Brewster.

Worst defeat for Harvard: 1960, one bruised ego. During halftime of Yale's eventual victory at The Stadium, reserve place-kicker holder Julio Cabot Lodge was informed that he had been rejected for membership by the Porcellian Club and tried to commit suicide with a pair of tape scissors. The attempt failed and Julio now makes the lemonade for Tommy's Lunch.

Most Receptions: 36. Although this record did not take place during the game, a word must be mentioned about the heroic postgame performance of Yale undergraduate Dooley Stegaropolis in 1972. "Dilled Dooley," as he is now known, although then a stranger to Cambridge, promptly established himself by popping into every after-game Happy Hour from Jellybeans at "Jacks" to coffee and doughnuts in Gutman Library.

Most Safeties: 48. Harvard senior Sven Jackson came prepared to the 1959 Game in New Haven, stocking up with four dozen prophylactics to ensure himself of a fun-filled, trouble-free weekend in the big city.

Now that I've set the records straight on everything, we can all pass out with a clear conscience.