Gov Dept. Seeks No Detente With Yale

Machievelli once wrote that "one must either pet men or exterminate them." Harvard's Government Department is inclining towards the latter course of action.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m. on the gridiron behind Yale Stadium, Harvard's political scientists will abandon their arm chairs and literary disputes to do battle with their Yale counterparts in their 2nd annual touch football game.

"I haven't been able to sleep for weeks," lamented one Crimson graduate student gladiator. "Yes," agreed another, "If we lose, they'll transfer us to Montana State."

In their first match last year, victory was unjustly torn from the hands of a nearly triumphant Harvard squad by the fickle whims of Fortuna.

A snap from the Crimson center landed smack in Harvard's endzone for a safety and Yale's two point victory margin. The clock ran out with Yale ahead 14-12 and Harvard five yards away from the winning touchdown.

This year's coach, center, and captain Professor James Q. Wilson watched last November's debacle while benched with a knee injury. "They beat us with a running game--which is pretty unusual in touch football," he explained Wednesday.

But if "revenge is sweet like honey which drips from the comb," then the defeated Crimson has developed quite a sweet tooth. Wilson has had his team of five faculty and 13 graduate students practicing every week since September.

In their final practice on Soldier's Field yesterday, the Crimson's psyche approached feverish pitch. Clad in cleats and double-knits, they enthusiastically scanned play formations freshly xeroxed by Professor Graham Allison, author of

Essence of Decision.

Wilson paced the sidelines as they practiced, nervously bobbling a football, jobbing in with new plays, and muttering periodic "way-to-go"'s.

"Jim Wilson really knows how to motivate us," said Assistant Professor Peter Lange, who said the team often practiced to Sousa marches.

"Jim treats us like mature athletes," Lange continued. "He even had a training meal at his house and Mrs. Wilson cooked a fantastic lasagna with green noodles."

The hopes of Harvard's governmental gridders, averaging 5'9" and 140 lbs., lie with the potent bombs of quarterback Professor John Steinbruner, an expert on disarmament. "If Yale's any good at all, they'll murder us," he predicted confidently.

The Crimson says that their offense will be aggressive: "You don't get to be government graduate students without some conpetitive instincts." The small but fleet-footed Lange, who had to be restrained last year after angrily launching the game ball at a much larger Yalie, tops the order of talented Crimson receivers.

But coach Wilson said Wednesday that he feared the defense would dominate the game, since it had been hard to maintain the discipline necessary for a solid offense. He said that the problem with intellectuals is that everyone wants to talk in the huddle.

Eugene Demchenko, a graduate student and Russian refugee, will lead Harvard's venomous defensive line. "Running into him is like running into a fire plug," said Wilson proudly before practice.

During their scrimmage yesterday, Demchenko innocently batted one teammate ten feet off the field. Wilson jogged happily onto the sideline. "You see what I mean," he said, his eyes alight, "When the Russian touches you, you're touched!"

Last year, both the Harvard and Yale government departments agreed there would be no need for referees. After there was a dispute over the first play of the game, an innocent and incompetent sideliner was immediately recruited to officiate.

"This year," Wilson said Wednesday, "There's no nonsense about us being gentlemen." A formal list of rules was developed through a series of negotiations and three referees have been hired for the game.

After practice yesterday, the Crimson was confident that they had not peaked too soon. "We're ready and excited," said Lange. "We're not thinking about the Superbowl. The great thing about having Jim for a coach is that he always keeps us thinking about the next game."

The Next Game is tomorrow at 10 a.m. And around Littauer, anyway, The Game is now known as "The Anti-climax."