Tom Columns

The nasty rumors you've heard about the "people" on the Dartmouth football team are all true.

They have but one eye, these big green monsters, a somewhat large one located in the middle of the forehead. They gnash their teeth--what teeth they have--producing a sound which is audible throughout a football game.

They carry chains with spiked balls on the end, with the intent of inflicting pain upon whoever shall pass their way. They hate their coach; they hate their mothers. But most of all, it seems, they dislike the Harvard football team.

The traveling freak show known as the Dartmouth football squad makes its biennial sojourn to Harvard stadium today, and for those who have never witnessed the kind of spectacle the Big Green puts on here every other year, a word of warning is in order. The football matchups between Harvard and Dartmouth are not models of etiquette and good behavior.

At first glance, the Big Green will appear to be a normal team. But there's something hidden inside which comes to the surface with the first play from scrimmage. If you want to know what a psyched-up football team looks like, take a look at the Dartmouth contingent today.

Another interesting facet of the Dartmouth team is that its members grow in size as the game wears on. Their faces contort with an incredibly grim determination, and their bodies swell to the point where they are impassible on defense, and unstoppable on offense.

It's all psychological, this game of Ivy League football. And in that category, it is Dartmouth which holds the edge over all. Harvard may win today, but it will take an incredible effort. More than anything else, the Big Green thrives on being an underdog.

These reflections come from an afternoon two years ago, when an undefeated Harvard team fell before a 1-3 Dartmouth squad which went on to win the Ivy League title. Ask someone about the game, if you didn't endure it yourself. It was a living nightmare.

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We're struggling this year, but here are a few more predictions, most of which are probably wrong:

RUTGERS-COLUMBIA--The Lions continue their struggle for normalcy today at Rutgers, and the odds once again appear to be stacked against them. One of these weeks the Columbians will pull off the big one. But not this week. Rutgers 21, Columbia 12.

YALE-CORNELL--Is Cornell as bad as it looked last week? Are the Elis still a contender? The answer to both queries is probably in the affirmative. Yale 27, Cornell 24.

BROWN-HOLY CROSS--There is no real reason to believe that the winless Crusaders will get it together today and shock unbeaten Brown. No reason whatsoever. Brown 29, Holy Cross 17.

PENN-PRINCETON--Despite an unforeseen and undeserved loss to Colgate, the Princeton Tigers remain one of the powers-that-be, and exactly how far the squad will go may be determined this afternoon. Princeton 16, Penn 114.

DARTMOUTH-HARVARD--I picked the Big Green to upset Brown last Saturday, and they did--to a certain degree. I also thought Harvard would lose, which it didn't. Don't get me wrong: I like this school and all. But I'm still not convinced about this year's football team. Will the Ivy League contender please stand up? Dartmouth 21, Harvard 19.

THE CRIMSON-THE DARTMOUTH--The Crime machine rolls on. Crimson 23, Dartmouth 2.