Coming Out At Harvard

"WHY CUT YOURSELF OFF FROM HALF of humanity?" These words were spoken by a Harvard junior who is young, intelligent--and gay. He is part of a growing organization that is gaining acceptance and understanding for homosexuals at Harvard University. The Harvard Gay Students Association, (H.G.S.A.) was started by Gene Hightower in 1970, when he was a sophomore at Harvard. Hightower, a handsome black with a dashing moustache, transferred to Harvard in 1970 from a university in California. "I was surprised to find that there was no gay student organization here at Harvard. I came from California where there are a lot of organizations for gays, both on campus and off," Hightower says.

Hightower, as founder and president of H.G.S.A. does the most to keep the group alive and expanding. At the beginning, he had a little trouble, because the idea of a Gay Student Organization just didn't catch on around Harvard. Hightower put advertisements in the Phoenix, Boston After Dark, and The Crimson, but response was poor. Attendance at the weekly meetings was anywhere from three to ten people, and organization was weak and unstable. "We were frightened," recalls Hightower, "but we felt that we had to keep on working hard. By the middle of the year, response picked up. But it wasn't until last year that we became a real group; we had guest speakers and a dance, and we built up an account. Dues are not obligatory though. We encourage people to give what they can to hold the group together financially."

H.G.S.A. exists primarily to provide an opportunity for gay students to come together socially. But there is a second, just as important, objective. According to Hightower: "We want to give gay kids a place to meet, just to be gay, I guess. But also, we want to educate the rest of the Harvard community as to what it means to be gay, and to accept it and us."

Acceptance is the most difficult thing to secure from the straight world, because the homosexual is often considered diseased, a mental and physical abberration to be feared and shunned by the straight society. Jack, a student at the Harvard Divinity school, and a new member of H.G.S.A. says: "We don't want to be treated like lepers, but we don't want to pretend to be straight, either. What we are fighting for is acceptance, a discontinuation of the ridicule and persecution."

Persecution is a word that is used frequently by homosexuals to describe the treatment they receive from those who are heterosexual. Another member of H.G.S.A., Matt, remembers: "When I was in high school there were rumors going around that I was queer. (He says the word with loathing.) The other kids would persecute me by whispering 'Fag!' as I walked by, or by imitating the behaviour of what they conceived a homosexual to be. They were cruel, yes, but a large part of it stemmed from ignorance. That's why re-education is so important." And Peter, who, in his own words, "just came out of the closet," says: "Anybody who thinks that name calling and insults don't hurt is wrong. Such persecution must be stopped."

Homosexuality can be concealed, but no matter how well it is concealed, the homosexual cannot escape his own awareness of his homosexuality. He realizes that by feigning straightness he is denying his identity and his sexuality. This can cause serious psychological disturbances and feelings of guilt, shame and self-deprecation. Overcoming these feelings is what H.G.S.A. is all about: gays helping gays to "come out," (that is, to face and accept within themselves the fact that they are gay) coming out first to themselves, then to each other, and finally to the rest of society, gays getting together to help each other exist, to discuss mutual problems, and most of all, to give each other strength in the battle for respectability and acceptance.

Perhaps the most disturbing experience that a homosexual goes through is the process of coming out. Many never come out at all, and live sad and lonely lives, feeling like outcasts of the society that holds them in such contempt.

Paul, a 20-year-old history major, recalls his experience of coming out this way: "I never thought of myself as a homosexual, then at some point, my sexual fantasies became realities. I realized: 'My God, I'm a homosexual!!, and it was change. I found myself changing: how I felt about myself and how I saw myself in relation to the rest of the world. For a while, I was in a mental turmoil, wondering whether or not to keep my sexuality a secret, or whether to be totally honest, first of all with myself, then with others. Although I was not raised to believe that homosexuality is wrong, social pressure tended to make me feel that it is so I felt awfully guilty. I finally decided that I couldn't live my life in guilty secrecy, and by March or April of my freshman year at Harvard, I had accepted it and decided to be open about it. But then I didn't know how to go about doing it, you know, you are afraid that people you love will reject you." In the end, Paul managed to work his feelings out, but not without going through a period of "total confusion." "I was terribly nervous. I smoked a lot, and my grades were terrible. But eventually it all came together." Paul speaks with self-confidence, energy and his interests seem boundless. He feels that he is much happier since he came out.

Despite the prejudices and misconceptions many people still harbor against homosexuals, gays at Harvard University and everywhere are organizing and are making their existence known. No longer will they be pushed aside as "perverts" and looked down upon as mentally deranged individuals. All of society must recognize them now as legitimate members of that society, and must help them to gain acceptance and respect.

Anne Landgraf is a sophomore at Simmons