Alice's Restaurant Revisited

(Captain No-L is a senior living off campus.)

I got up about 5:00 a.m. full up with the knowledge that this was part of finally facing a tangible baddy. For two years I had demonstrated against the war; for two years I carried signs irrelevantly. This was the day of confrontation; I had expected it ever since I decided not to apply for a II-S this year on grounds of personal conscience. In short, I had taken my student deferment for three years as a kind of primer for what they told me was "getting along in the world."

I was feeling good that morning; I felt secure in myself, in the knowledge that the Army would see me at my best that morning.

A good friend drove me down to the local Board where we met some other demonstrators. We all passed out literature to my fellow travelers and I spoke a little about the right to free speech we had on the Army.

We arrived at the base and they promptly lined us up for orientation on our processing. "No nonsense and no trouble" was the essence of the message. The sergeant paused and that was my cue.

"Sir, could you tell us a little about why we're in Vietnam?" I asked. Matter-of-factly, he told little rolypoly Sgt. Brown to take me to Lieut. Johnson. Brown told me he'd kick my teeth in if I kept agitating. He was very paranoid. I smiled condescendingly in the best Harvard tradition, secure in the knowledge that they can't touch you. Lieut. Johnson asked me what I was there for, and I told him--"Nothing." He promptly sent me off to rejoin my group in Test Room A.

The decor was strictly Kafka--a long rectangular room with five rows of chairs overlooking the speaker's podium. The dysentery-green walls stood in the glaring flophouse-yellow light. The room was completely un-ventilated and the old fan blew hot air into our faces insultingly. The stage was set for Sgt. Brown's treatise on Conduct and Effort.

The Sergeant Goes Beserk

In the midst of it all I asked the Sgt. whether we had the right of free speech on the Army Base. Predictably, he went beserk. "I'm not giving any forum to any of you political agitators. We don't want any of your opinions here. Get out of here." I sat quietly as he repeated the command and waddled ominously down to my chair. "Now are you going to get out of here?" he commanded. I smiled sweetly, looked up at him and quietly answered, "No."

To the delight of my fellows, he began to push my chair out the back door--to little avail. Next he picked up my briefcase and said, "Come with me." As he was nearing the back of the room I called, "I'll sue you if you lose that." In despair he waddled off to fetch the Lieutenant.

In his office Lieut. Johnson and I talked at length.

"What did you do now?" he queried.

"I just asked him if we had free speech on the base and he went wild."

'We don't want any trouble. You are welcome to voice your opinions in newspapers and protests, but we just want to process you here. We don't want any disruptions."

"Sir, it was just a simple question and I am not causing trouble nor do I intend to disrupt my processing."

At this point I was taken to Colonel Weil's office, a grey office with a worn out rug, reminiscent of what you might see at an unsuccessful corporation.

"I hear you've been giving us trouble," the Colonel began.

"That's not true, I've just been asking simple questions about free speech."

"We have a job to do here and we don't have time for your opinions. I'll tell you--yes, you have free speech."

'But don't you think it's important for everyone to know that. It seems to me that it's part of the American system that people know their rights."

"You just worry about yourself. It would take too long to have discussions here. These guys want to get processed and get home."

"It doesn't take more than thirty seconds to tell people that they have the right to free speech on the base."

"I'm gonna send you back with a personal escort and I don't want to see you again."

"The Marginal Man and the Military"

So another sergeant brought me into the waiting room and I waited. People, even enlistees, were very friendly and very eager to talk. There's a kind of community of victims.

I was then sent into Test Room B to take my mental test with a group of enlistees. Test Room B was Test Room A, but I had to rearrange the faces, they all had other names. This time I was tired, hungry, and bleary-eyed--totally incapable of taking any test. Therefore, it didn't surprise me when I found I had scored a Z. This entitled me to see the Personal Psychiatrist.

The only thing I remember about Captain Johnston's office was the book on his desk--The Marginal Man and the Military. His first question smacked of soc rel 10 esteem busting.

"Don't you think this is childish?"

"No--why, do you?"

"You know the Army just gives you these tests to find the best place for your abilities."

"Well, you see that applies in the general case but if I were to go in it would be to work against the war and to encourage deserters, so I believe the ranks would be the best place for that. Don't you agree?"

"Huh?"

Our conversation continued in that tenor as I proceeded to question him about Vietnam, about which he knew incredibly little. Finally he sent me back to my testing. I protested that I was still feeling very badly and was sure that I couldn't finish the tests.

Sure enough, I could only complete 20 of 110 on the speed tests. But to my credit they were all correct. As we walked down to the second floor's commander I began to suspect that my effort didn't impress Captain Johnston. The second floor commander was more cheerful but then he had a window open.

I assured him that I was performing to the best of my ability under heavy mental and physical strain. He doubted my veracity and said I was to receive one more chance.

This time I got an individual test administrator and a private cubicle. I finished the tests as well as I could. After the ordeal I rejoined my original group for lunch. The Army careteria had all the rich atmosphere of a foxhole. The food was one grade below Central Kitchen's. The hot dogs and beans added a zesty tang to the ketchup. The bread had the buoyancy of a frisbee.

Surprise

After the meal we returned for our physical examinations. In preparation for the occasion I had written several negative remarks about the Army on my T-shirt as well as the phone number of the Boston Draft Resistance Group. To my surprise I was ordered to remove my T-shirt; to their surprise there was even more subversive literature written on my back.

Fearing that my fellow travelers were being indoctrinated, they gave me a bathrobe which I was encouraged to wear throughout the ceremony. Things built up to the climax slowly but surely. By the last station I was being examined alone. The doctor called me in. He marvelled at my history of infirmity and disease. He grimaced a bit at my answer to the question on my state of health. I had admitted there that "I have had very poor health since the war in Vietnam started. I am often extremely depressed and feel powerless."

The examination continued as he banged this and felt that. He came finally to my knee which was operated on four years ago and hasn't been the same since.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Right there."

"Here--does this hurt?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"There."

He continued to twist and turn my knee as I looked at him courageously, wringing my hands to quell the pain. Sullenly he stopped and continued to fill out my form. When he was done, he turned to me and said, "Both the Army and you will be happy to know that you are unqualified for military service because of your knee."

Do's and Don't's of Blowing Military Minds

1. At the local Board talk and pass out leaflets to other pre-inductees. Groups like Boston Draft Resistance (547-8260) can often provide support.

2. At orientation ask "Why are we in Vietnam?" and other relevant questions about the war and the draft. It's your right as a free citizen. They may ask you to leave. You may either refuse and be dragged out or go cheerfully making appropriate remarks about the military.

3. If you are returned to orientation, find up-tight people and ask them whether there is free speech on the Army Base. Insist they answer relevant questions. They are supposed to.

4. Often you'll be thrown out again and taken to see higher officers. Stress that you are not disrupting and that you intend to be processed. Have with you a statement to this effect: "I, John Jones, intend to cooperate with Army authorities to the best of my abilities, but I fully expect my rights as a free citizen to be observed."

5. If at any point they ask you to leave, refuse. If you do leave, they may classify you I-A delinquent. You should ask the officer to sign a statement to the effect that you were prepared to cooperate but were refused processing in spite of your willingness. This will give good grounds for court action if you are declared delinquent. Delinquency is serious. That's why it's so important to know your rights and to be prepared. Do not leave the Base until they take you--that's important for court action too.

6. You will have to take a mental test. You may flunk if you're not feeling well. In Boston that gets you an interview with the psychiatrist. If you don't feel well make sure to tell them that's why you flunked.

7. In all interviews, especially with the psychiatrist, it is important to keep them on the defensive. Every answer should end with a question of your own. Pursue your advantage if they start answering your questions. Refuse to answer unless they answer your questions. If you get a chance tell them you'll organize resistance in the Army.

8. On your medical history be fear-less-they can tell faking. Relax and have fun. Tell them how the war has affected your health and don't be bashful about all the diseases that might be induced by the war. Be creative. (Pleading homosexuality is messy but possible if you can stomach it.)

9. For the physical examination write appropriate material on T-shirt and back.

10. They may ask you to surrender leaflets. Refuse absolutely and tell them your lawyer will sue for theft and assault if they take them. You're right, so don't compromise.

11. At the beginning of the Security Oath, they'll ask if anyone is not going to sign. Say nothing. Wait until they start, then raise your hand and and ask, "Is it true that if I don't sign this oath--which is my constituitonal right--that my induction process will be held up for four to six months?"

They probably then take you to various CIA types who'll ask you to sign other statements and will tell a few horror stories about what will happen to you. Be cool. Don't sign anything. You may want to write out something like, "I refuse to sign the Security Oath under the grounds of the First, Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendments." But don't give this to them unless it looks like they're going to declare you delinquent.

12. Talk to other inductees. You'll be surprised at their friendliness. Give them your number and ask them to call you about problems.

13. If there are more than one of you coordinate your efforts. Don't expose yourselves at the same time. You may start an uprising if there are more than two of you. Several friends of mine did just that.

14. Honesty and self-confidence are basic. You should expect to have a good time. You ought to be prepared emotionally even for delinquency classification. If you are, they will know that they can't touch you, and that inspires both fear and respect. It may seem difficult, but rarely is a man presented with such a clear cut opportunity to demonstrate his integrity