FBI, Romance Friction, and Coke

To the Editors of the CRIMSON:

It has often been alleged that Cliffies are a fairly pitiful group of people. If the allegation needed any proof, it was provided by a recent CRIMSON scoop of stop-the-presses proportions. This scoop revealed that the Cliffies of Cabot Hall have succeeded in having the small cokes normally dispensed by the local Coke machine replaced by big ones.

Now, anyone with the slightest sensitivity of taste, anyone capable of noting the subtle differences between, say, absinthe and buttermilk, knows that small cokes taste quite a bit better than big ones. The original 6 1/2 ouncer is a real taste classic. On the contrary, the 10-ouncer is a vivid symbol of creeping materialism. 3 1/2 ounces more for your dime, and all that is sacrificed is quality. According to informed sources, the difference is due to the fact that there is the same total amount of syrup in each variety. . . Rem Rieder '65

REPORT FROM THE LABORATORY

In a lengthy and comprehensive series of tests, three experimenters used four unmarked paper cups, two of which were filled with Coke from the small bottle (S) and two with Coke from the large bottle (L). In seven testing trials:

1) Contents of the same bottle were correctly paired in five trials.

2) In three of these trials, Coke from the smaller bottle was described as "sweeter" and "less carbonated" than Coke from the larger bottles.

3) In two of the same five trials, everything was wrong.

4) In the remaining two out of seven trials the cups were paired incorrectly.

CONCLUSION: Drink Tab. It comes in only one size.