Harvard Malaise Explained

Have you ever noticed the "malaise" which pervades the Harvard atmosphere? From Fall to Spring, but most especially during January, the students at this great University are never quite as happy as they should be.

What is this curious phenomenon really? Furthermore what causes it?

But lest you turn to your roommate too quickly, we must remind you of one thing. Your choice of whom to ask pretty much determines the answer you'll get. So to save you from the limits of your own particular parochialism, we now bring you several explanations of The Harvard Malaise, as seen by the different departments.

Architectural Sciences: A failure of function and proportion, chaos and non-integration.

Astrology: Vague premonitions of doom always occuring among little Pisces.

Biochemical Sciences: Too slow oxidation-reduction reaction.

Biology: Malfunctioning of frontal lobese.

Classics: "Tum pavor sapientiam omnem mihi ex animo expectorat."

Comparative Literature: The response of the contemporary American Romantic mind to the expectations of the post-industrial bourgeoisie.

East Asia Program: Typically Western overindulgence of the ego.

Economics: Discomfort in that stratum of society which is over endowed and underproductive.

Education: a) Insufficiently stimulating curricula, b) inadequate requirements and/or c) improperly organized student-faculty relationships.

Engineering: Too low ceiling and inadequate lighting.

English: An immediate experience of the wonderful, tragic ambigity that is life.

French: Le mal du siecle, la melancholie, la Prince d'Aquilaine a latour abolie.

History: The tendency to introspection among students of American universities in the post-war years, caused by numerous factors, including, for example, the uncertain progress of international relations, the shifting socio-economic forces within the United States, and the tremendous advances being made in applied science and technology.

History and Literature: The disintegration of the pre-modern framework of stability, as evidenced in such uniquely modern creations as Joyce's Ulysses and Lennon's In His Own Write, and, more negatively, in the Second World War.

History of Science: A simple reflection in the psychological sphere of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle.

Medical Sciences: A mild form of neuropathology which could be alleviated by a balanced diet.

Meteorology: High humidity, low visibility, and dirt-laden preciptation.

Military Science: Improper discipline.

Philosophy: What is "malaise" anyway? Is anyone ever "at their case?"

Psychology: An Oedipus, Prometheus, Cain, expulsion, Joseph, Jacob, Jesus, or inferiority complex; a frustrated libido or an identity crisis.

Religion: The eternal attempt of man's flesh to betray his better self.

Social Relations: That depends on what malaise among which students you are talking about. Now, what do you think?

Social Studies: Social maladjustment due to an undue departmentalization of personal concerns. (Now we, on the other hand...)