'Turn Lampoon Into Rest Room': Vellucci

The city of Cambridge should seize the Harvard Lampoon castle by eminate domain and turn it into a public rest room, city councillor Alfred E. Vellucci told the CRIMSON at Cambridge City Council yesterday.

Vellucci plans to introduce such a motion next Wednesday in response to a Lampoon proposal to name the intersection of Bow and Plympton Streets Lampoon Square.

The Harvard Lampoon should be taken down; it does nothing but scare strangers out of the unnamed square," said Vellucci. "It is the ugliest building I ever did see. It is the ideal spot for a public rest room," he added.

Debate began in City Council when Vellucci proposed that the intersection be named "Freedom Square" in honor of the revolutionary tradition of Cambridge and as a tribute to "Harvard students from all over the world and from behind the iron curtain." Last year Vellucci proposed naming the intersection Yale Square but his bill has been pidgeonholed in the finance committee.

Thirteen smiling Poonies the East wing of the council chamber in hopes of offering their alternative legislation. According to Vellucci, "They looked like the type that will wind up down in Washington messing up our international affairs."

The Poon motion claimed that by naming the crossing Lampoon Square, the City Council would "sound the death knell of one of the greatest threats to the liberty of the citizenry of the U.S.A.: namely, Appelation Without Representation."

The Poonies responded with cries of "hear, hear" and that was all that was heard from them for the remainder of the meeting. Incensed by the Poonies, DeGuglielmo declared that "No one can come here to make serious public servants an object of their buffoonery of Lampoonery." He then exercised his charter right and declared the nomenclature question a dead issue.

An exuberant Poonie jumped to his feet to protest DeGuglielmo's action but the hand of the Poon president was clapped over the renegade's mouth before he could further damage Poon prestige. The Poon proposal was withdrawn but another plan will be introduced next week.

Vellucci called the Poon castle "a mouth house. It has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth and it looks like a witch on a broomstick." It is rumored that Vellucci will turn an at the Poon weekly dinner this Thursday to study the cost of converting the castle into a privy.