Veteran Coach Pleased Despite Upset

"Swell," was the comment of Rhesus J. Portfolio '03 after his team's crippling 3 1/4-3 upset loss to Samuel Tech yesterday on Soldiers Field.

Thirty-three straight losses have mellowed Portfolio's outlook. "Harvard has no sport like it," chortled The Folio, a philosophy major, "for in the defeat rests final victory. What I'm trying to tell you, it's fun to lose."

Surprising Harvard with the medieval seven-man wedge, Samuel Tech dominated the oval for over three-fourths of the hour, and held the Crimson's famed Waterloo sprint to an embarrassingly scant 12 furlongs.

With an experienced smirk, Portfolio expressed his educated delight. "Samuel Tech played a beautifully judged game. we was murdered, and we deserved it. By the way, did you see how Billy Oval-tine destroyed our sneak forward-to-half bumper with those circular drops? Masterful!" (Ovaltine is the Sambo's all-East ace borderback.)

Throstle Speaks

Crimson first-captain Wilfurd Throstle '64 concurred, "Loose-leaf said it more imaginatively than I could over hope to, but basically, let's face it, he's right! All us guys were pretty perturbed when we goofed and scored on that freak round out (this happened at 5:45 of the second set). Gee," he murmured, "did old Manila Folder chew us out."

"If we have to score," Portfolio shrieked over his public address system during the game, "let's do it according to the rules, goddammit!"

"Here's a game," the coach explained later, "wherein you just can't loss enough times. It's more than sportsmanship one learns through losing, and it's more than morality. It's life itself, buddy."

Rhesus J. Portfolio has been responsible for the Golden Renascence of the game at Harvard. "I first came to the sport," Portfolio recalls, "while reading Ecclesiastes with President Eliot. I don't think he fully appreciated my ideas, but it struck me right off as the final solution to our athletics problems. It builds character, you know."

Portfolio Speculates

The venerable Portfolio hopes to lose all five remaining games this term, and thinks the chances are excellent. "I'll admit that that round out scared me--the score was much too close, and I'm afraid I got a bit abusive on the P.A.; but as for the rest, it's gonna be lose, lose, lose--right across the board. Why," he reflected gravely, "my guess is we don't score once in any of them. Boy, oh boy!"

Echoed first-captain Throstle manfully "My guess is not even that."

Final statistics of yesterday's contest showed no puts, one push, and three penalties for Harvard--one on the coach--and four overs for Samuel Tech, a new soldiers Field record.