Better Things for Better Living

"Conversation about the weather have been held with a 650 Computer of the I.B.M. Corporation at the Computations Center of the University of Toronto," the "New York Times," has reported.

"Yes, by George, the Sixties have arrived--as big as life and twice as handsome. We bring you 'The Spectacular Sixties,' a show depicting some of the wonderful adventures that lie ahead, some of the achievements that will bring to each and every one of us the Fun Life.

"Our team of crystal-ball-gazing scientists have predicted that within the decade it will be impossible for a man in the next room to tell whether he is talking to a man or a machine. We are nearing the ultimate in the American Dream, equality of flesh and metal.

"Friends, 'The Spectacular Sixties' takes you know, by the magic of video tape to that historic Canadian laboratory where several hours ago machines first attained useful, intelligent human communication."

A graying scientist, grasping pencil and clipboard, shyly approaches the control panel of a giant I.B.M. machine.

"Good afternoon, machine," he announces hesitantly. "How are you feeling today?"

"Fit as a fiddle," comes the answer in a pleasant cross between a Maine and a Montreal accent that suggests the machine has done some travelling.

"In recent conversations," stated the "Times," "the machine was told the following: 'Remember this month is August, today we had rain and severe heat. Yesterday it was sunny and hot. Tomorrow it will be cold and cloudy. That is all.'"

"Did you enjoy the rain we had today?"

"I always say that rain is for ducks."

"I was just out and it is sweltering."

"It's not so much the heat I mind as the humidity."

"They say it'll be cooler tomorrow."

"Well, this heat's gotta break sometime."

"The situation was foreseen," the "Times" wrote, "where the nation, under threat of war, could surrender its destiny to a device whose decision would 'win' the war but destroy the country."

"We take you now to Washington for a look at the mid-Sixties. Come in, Pentagon."

A graying I.B.M. machine is seated behind a desk, in front of an American flag bearing 150 stars.

"Good evening, and welcome to another T.V.-side chat. I'm sure all of you are concerned with the un-American activities in our newest state. I assure you that my staff of machines has studied the matter closely and is convinced that a little Good Will can straighten out the Commonwealth of Cuba.

"Also, I am happy to announce the end of the strike by humans at the I.B.M. plant. As you know, we invoked an 80-day cooling off period, after which your vice-President brought both sides together, and by means of some tricky cross-programming came up with the suggestion that they bargain In Good Faith.

"I come now to our most pressing national problem. I know all of you are worried about the recent advances made by the Soviet Union. Last week the Russians offered to join our Alliance Club, in flagrant violation of the 1960 Summit Treaty. However, I assure you that our policy, conceived by the top machines in the country, is firmly rooted in our two great principles: the Give-em-an-inch-and-they'll-take-a-foot Doctrine, and the You-can-trust-the-Russians-as-far-as-you-can-throw-them Policy."

The camera switches back to the announcer.

"There it is, friends--a glimpse at the Spectacular Sixties, the Good Life of the future. People and things will be so much fun to be with. How does it look to you, Chet?"

"Right, Dave. We stand at the blackboard of the Sixties with a clean slate, so to speak. Today is a divisional point, a change of trains, a time of stock-taking, of personal inventory, of renascent hope, of rededication, of crossing over, of escape from tedium."

"Devices are also being developed that can teach themselves without human intervention," the "Times" continued. "They will soon be making decisions at speeds and through steps of human reasoning beyond the reach of human minds."

Excelsior!