A Many-Splintered Thing

Hollywood is a wicked place, ask anybody. All the immoral things they won't show in their movies they do in real life there. Hollywood's a very wicked place; don't let your kids go there.

Once upon a time, this nice, wholesome boy from Philadelphia--which is not a wicked place--went to Hollywood because he thought he could sing. He couldn't sing very well, but nice wholesome boys were in fashion and he was a big success. He met a nice, wholesome girl who was a big success too, and they got married, and the tabloid editors were very happy.

For a while, the boy (who was called Edward) and the girl (who was called Deborah) propered; they had children. But Hollywood is a wicked place, and soon the nice, wholesome boy began to grow less nice and less wholesome. A friend died, and Edward, like the nice, wholesome boy he once was, tried to console the widow. Edward had become very good at this sort of thing since coming to Hollywood and he did it very well indeed. Soon the widow--who had been in Hollywood too long to be nice and wholesome--was merry, and so was Edward. Deborah, however, grew lonely despite the company of her children--she wasn't quite as nice and wholesome as she used to be either. She decided that Edward was "extremely cruel," and they split up, and the tabloid editors were again happy, though Edward and Deborah weren't.

Yes, Hollywood is a very wicked place. Don't ever let your kids go there.