The Mortician's Magazine

The Mortician's Magazine discusses the problems of its tradesmen with time-tested aplomb. Softspoken, but firm, the magazine urges its members to live up to standard--warning its subscribers, for example, not to use summer fluids with winter creeping on. A long dissertation with much good advice is entitled "Embalming Dropsical Bodies" (we shan't bother to discuss it here).

Of more general interest is the short story, "The Case of the Too-Short Casket," which tells of an undertaker who is cutting corners to make a dollar. His technique is unfortunate, but his exclamations are delightful--"Well, here's a nice bucket o'worms." His colleagues are less colorful, but more devoted to their trade. Their distaste for their unscrupulous competitor is eased by their faith that, "Give him enough rope, he's sure to hand himself some day."

S.H. Heathwood demonstrates his version of predestination in an article on "building good will." Don't turn away the curious, says Heathwood, "Sooner or later, almost all these people will have the need. . ." ("almost" probably refers to "do it yourself" addicts.)

But worse than those who die at sea and get no benefit from the tradesmen, are those who want inexpensive funerals. One mortican describes how he did it for a friend. "I kept the rose shades on the lamps in the reposing room and saw to it that there were no bright lights in the chapel."

But it is the spirit of the Christmas issue which transcends the more technical matter. The publishers express their feelings on the title page, "For all those folks associated with us, we take this opportunity, Good Friends, to thank you for the courtesies through the years. . ."

And on the final page, there is a small note, albeit very small, saying "Fight Tuberculosis."