How to Freeload Without Being An Intolerable Plonk

Every day counts now for the Free-loading Sot as the party season draws to a beclouded close. The man who believes that a drink is a good thing but a free drink is a better one will have to pick his parties carefully if he is to get the most alcohol for the least cost.

Weekends are no problem for the freeloader or deadhead as he is often termed. There are always parties on weekends, and the experienced moocher has more possibilities than he can take care of. During the week itself, however, an entire day will often go by without a drink caged from an unsuspecting host.

Seeks Party Sounds

To remedy the mid-weeks hiatus, the sagacious free-loader spends much of his time on warm Spring afternoons just walking through House court-yards and the Yard. The sounds of a good party--tinkling glasses, sniggering girls, rearing male laughter--will float down to the moocher's ear and lead him to his filling-station. Entry is simple; a more request to use the telephone will suffice.

Another less subtle method of detecting the whereabouts of incipient hang-overs is lounging in front of liquor stores which sell ice and following those customers who emerge straining under large, brown bags.

The free-loader never gives a party himself, but when he goes to one he is full of advice about how to arrange a completely successful affair.

"What You Need . . ."

A description of the ingrediants of a great party--plenty of good liquor, attractive girls, music loud but not blaring in the background, a generous amount of extroverts--served to make the host slightly uneasy about the quality of his own affair. Consequently, even if he does not know the free-loader (which should be the case), he will put on a special effort to make him at home, i.e. ply him with liquor.

At the close of a good day's hunting the deadbest should have a few new acquaintances, a slight buss on, and a list of parties coming up for the next two weeks.