Bird Brains

We view with alarm the Psychology Department's current crop of educated pigeons. Professor B. F. Skinner has spent the winter teaching his birds to play ping pong, tell time, and pick out tunes on the piano. He claims the experiment will help increase our insight into human behavior: what makes us suspicious is the speed and interest the pigeons have shown in their studies.

We have always felt that pigeons were fat and predatory birds, not above sneaking a peanut out from under an innocent squirrel to benefit their position in life. Anyone who has seen a group of pigeons strutting in front of a public building must realize that their motives are not entirely innocent; more than that, pigeons have not shown the same concern for their human masters as have other animals. When was the last time a pigeon rescued a small child from drowning? When was the last time a pigeon's cries awakend the prostrate occupants of a gas-filled room?

So we can only be doubly suspicious of the cooperation Professor Skinner is getting from his birds. A pigeon that can play ping-pong can certainly learn close-order drill; it is only a short step from that to organized rebellion. Buried in Professor Skinner's report is the note that at least one of his pigeons appeared on a window sill and virtually volunteered for the experiment; the word is obviously getting around. As far as we're concerned, pigeons exist solely to give monument cleaners a chance to earn an honest living. An educated pigeon will inevitably try to get something more.