Off The Cuff

Herewith some prophecy. This is how the Class of '52 will behave during the next four years.

Ninety-eight percent of you will wear dark gray flannel trousers between ten o'clock in the morning and one o'clock at night. That is, you will unless a nationally famous fashion authority called General Hershey decides you ought to wear light khaki trousers and a nationally famous health expert called General Hershey feels you ought to wear them starting at six in the morning instead of ten. If that happens, none of my information applies. It's all based on having ninety-eight percent in gray flannels.

Here's something that's universal. One-hundred percent of you will have ice cream for dessert about eleven times a week. It's because a rich alumnus established a fund for buying ice cream once upon a time. (This really happened, I'm told). At any rate, it's usually deliciously flavorsome and creamy rich.

Five percent of you will go to all your lectures. Another five percent won't ever go to any lectures. The rest of you will go to your lectures usually, occasionally, or now and then, in varying proportions. Three of you will get hell from the Dean for cutting classess, and the odds are that all three will be wearing gray flannels.

Sixty percent of you will take out Radcliffe girls and like it. Thirty percent will take out Radcliffe girls and won't like it. Ten percent of you will have cars. They will take out Wellesley girls.

While I'm on the subject of Radcliffe, here's a note for the Radcliffe freshmen. Sixty percent of you will be taken out by Harvard men and like it. Thirty percent will be taken out by Harvard men and won't like it. That leaves ten percent, and nothing can be done about it.

Back to Harvard. Nothing else will happen during your first term, except that one-hundred percent of you will go to the Yale game, ninety-one percent will go to most of the other games, ninety-one percent will go to cocktail parties every Saturday, ninety-one percent will get stewed every Saturday, ninety-one percent will get stewed six other days each week, and one percent will get straight A's. That leaves eight percent in the middle--they don't get straight A's and they also don't go to football games and parties. They will be sorry. And all but two percent of them will be sorry in gray flannel trousers.

It just occurred to me that there are more Freshmen from Tibet in the Class of '52 than in any other class in Harvard's history. Think of it--people travelling fifteen thousand miles to eat in the Freshman Union. Conditions in Tibet must be bad.