Chinese Dopester Tells All

Cheer up, brothers, for the day is at band. Suffolk Downs dusts off the bugle Monday afternoon.

It has been our custom in past years to foretell of the future for this joyous event, particularly with respect to the $5000 feature race, the Damon Runyon Memorial. In these troublous times, however, all is flux, and we have seen fit to substitute for our predictions the following document.

This fragment was presented to us by an ancient Oriental, an habitue of the ovals, so to speak, who claims descent from Confucius, and who has shown remarkable prowess of late at Lincoln Downs. We quote in part:

It is written, Two dollars on the back of a horse profiteth nothing; but I say unto you, this is blasphemy.

2. For behold I am returned this day from Lincoln of Providence, in the land of the great races;

3. And my pocket is filled, and my cup runneth over.

4. And all people round about did marvel at my great works, for my treasure did grow and did magnify by sixty-nine dollars and fifty cents; and my wisdom was very great.

5. Take heed, therefore, all ye that want: for two days and two nights shall pass and thy chance is at hand.

6. For on that day, which is called Mon Day, thou shalt gird up thy loins to the mud lands of the cast, into the Downs that are called Suffolk.

7. And thou shalt know which is the place by the multitude and the flag staffs, and by the geese which play in the infield; and thou shalt enter in straightway.

8. But show not thy Bow Tie and thy Whitewalled Tire, lest thy friends shall be legion; for verily I say unto thee thou shalt know a tree by its fruits; therefore hear my words thus:

9. Beware the servants of Armstrong; for they poreth mightily over the Racing Form and the Tip Sheet, but they heedeth not the spirit of the horse on that day nor that which the horse hath eaten at Breakfast; and I say verily they will have their reward.

10. Beware likewise the Timer; for he riseth early in the day and loitereth by the rail in search of the Fast Horse, but hell will freeze over are he risketh a Long Shot; and verily I say he will have his reward.

11. Beware also the Hunch Player; for he chooseth a horse for its initials, or because that it resembles one of his ancestors; and verily I say he will have his reward.

12. Beware again the false prophets; for there dwelleth in the land an old soothsayer in the place of the Merle, and his name is called Bill; and he is wondrous glib with his tongue unto the hour of Post Time;

13. But his steeds runneth Last, even unto the length of a Football Field; and I say verily he will have his reward.

14. Therefore look neither to the right nor to the left; but go straight-way into the back of the Grand Stand, to the place which is called The Paddock.

15. And in the middle place there are the Owners; and thou shalt know them by their great height and their garments of Shark Skin; but thou shalt breed them not.

16. And likewise stand the Riders; and thou shalt know them by their exceeding hunger and by their legs, which go only a short way before touching the ground; but thou shalt heed them not.

17. Likewise shalt thou see many steeds to pass by in procession.

18. And thou shalt mark each one well; and if some goat doth prance and stomp and beat upon the ground with his hoof, heed him not.

19. Or if some goat looketh slumped and confused; or disdainful and proud; or if he hath but three legs, heed him not.

20. But wait till one horse passeth quietly close by and giveth thee the Knowing Look.

21. And if the odds on that horse shall exceed ten-fold, then shalt thou carry thy fortune to the man who is called Straight.

22. And it shall multiply ten, fifty, even an hundred fold.