'Poonsters BOTTLED IN BOND AS CRIME PLUCKS 23 TO 2 PLUM

A superior CRIMSON aggregation overwhelmed an inferior Lampoon aggregation in Saturday's annual Crime-Lampy baseball game on Soldiers Field. Despite firm opposition by the 'Poonsters in the opening inning, the capable Plympton Street aggregation, its loins girded, soon hit its stride and overwhelmed the cock-eyed Bow Street aggregation by a score of 23 to 2.

At least 23 to 2 is the score reported by the head umpire, referee, and linesman, Theodore Spencer, associate English Prof. Spencer left the field before the game began, but it is agreed by both sides that he knows as much about the proceedings as anyone who was present throughout.

Oggle-Eyed Umpire

Minus Goodenough was the star for the Crimeds, and his high-flying pow! in the second half of the first set the pace for the conquering juggernaut. Umpire Thomas O'Kearney -Lamont, Lampoon appointee, stared oggle-eyed as the runners trotted around the bases.

Charlie Piddleball, pitcher for the CRIMSON throughout the inning, was assisted by a strong T-formation defense between first and second beer kegs which Lampy was unable to equal. When Lampoon opposition tightened, the journalists quickly devised the blocking-back play and the beer-bottle clobber that characterized the remaining, residual part of the inning.

Ace arbitrator Lamont, who acted as auxiliary umpire after Spencer had been spirited away by unknown ragamuffins, objected at first to the CRIMSON's tactics, but information reaching him from his superior by carrier pigeon indicated that the base-line tackling was the coming thing in the Great American Game.

Even the CRIMSON building blushed modestly after the game, realising the great deeds of its 1945 stalwarts who had done in one inning what normally required nine.