Buckshot Replaces Birth-Control In Yard Squirrel-Defense Tactics

This is a forbidden subject in English A, as is that of "Sunsets from the Weeks Bridge", but in accordance with the CRIMSON's age old policy of printing ALL the news, we hereby present the latest reliable data on the Yard squirrels.

As all but the most ignorant of Freshmen know, the squirrels that have inhabited the Yard from time immemorial belong to the species known as Sciurus Carolinensis, variety Aptedii. They are large grey beasts, gentle as kittens except when roused, when they display the fury of the tigress defending her lair, and each year they form fast friends among the Freshman class whom they will remember for years, running to them in childish glee.

This year, however, with the progress of Roosevelt recovery and the coincident rise in the birth rate, the squirrels have repeatedly threatened to overrun the Yard. Stringent measures have indeed been necessary to keep down the slate colored hordes, and to prevent the steady demolition of the foundations of such derelict edifices as Brooks House by the eroding action of countless razor-sharp molars.

A high officer in the Yard police who declined to let his name be brought into the discussion remarked that late in August, birth control proving totally impractical, XX high power buckshot was resorted to by his henchmen in their valiant fight. As a result of this drastic action the Yard has remained an habitable region, although the former amicable attitude of the squirrels has given way to one of hauteur and strained reserve--rarely talented indeed will be the member of the Class of 1938 who makes any lasting friends among the four footed denizens of the Yard.