Crimson Cohorts Combat Comical Colleagues in Classic Crab Catching Crew Contest--Cup Clandestinely Confiscated

The welkin rang in proverbial style at Gerry's Landing up the Charles yesterday evening as final preparations for the tornadic CRIMSON-Lampoon regatta, scheduled for 2.30 o'clock this afternoon, were completed. Merwomen prinked, pollywogs warbled, as two specially designed Gloucester herring chasers were launched with solomn rites on the star-flecked upper reaches of the local stream.

The astoundingly original feature of the newly constructed whalers is the completely equipped bar which has been installed in place of a coxswain. The latter accessory was declared futile and out of date by an investigating committee of sages after exhaustive inquiry. It is rumored that the country's leading crew mentors will line the banks of the Charles this afternoon to discover if the innovation in boating methods will prove as successful in cheering the oarsmen and especially in guiding the boat along a straight and narrow path as the former small-boy tactics.

A 23 to 2 victory for the slugging, slamming, slaughtering CRIMSON nine will follow the heels of the naval encounter. Robert Lampoon, stalwart stroke of the Mt. Auburn Street shell, will as usual be on the mound for the jester nine. It will be the diminutive southpaw's twenty-eighth attempt to turn back the board of Plympton Street bingles, and it will be his twenty-eighth failure. Despite the doomed position of his mates, the twirley was in good spirits last night, and it is thought that the little optimist actually hopes to hold his opponents total down to 21 or even 20 runs.

Unfortunately the highly embossed loving cup, which was to go to the winner of the day's laurels, had disappeared at a late hour last night. Foul play is suspected in official circles, but there are same who still cling to the suicide theory. They base their opinion on a study of the sex life of the ancient receptacle. "It may have been old," one expert said, "but it was still a loving cup."