OH, SUGAR!

The descendants of Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona" have lost none of their gentility. What is more, they have organized a crusade against the use of profanity in the city, and report a remarkable success attending their efforts. The committee declares that by actual statistics 75 percent of the bad language which was once heard has now been abolished, and although the prospects for a complete purification seem small, the reformers hope to succeed eventually. When Verona has been purged, their efforts will be extended to other cities, and bit by bit they hope to see the movement spread over the face of the civilized world.

Such heroics should not pass unnoticed. Since neither the Y. M. C. A. nor the W. C. T. U. have volunteered assistance, a movement may be set on foot to form a new College association. All sober-minded Harvard men will welcome this possibility. The organization could be named, not the "H. M. C. A.", but, more appropriately, the "H. E. L. L." These initials stand for the "Harvard Emasculated Language League". The very title of the movement would insure its success, for who could resist raising H. E. L. L. funds.

The aim of the organization will be to stamp out profanity, whether spoken or written. The use of such terms as "damn" or "devil", will be considered a crime of the same degree as bootlegging, and punished accordingly. All literature of the past will be carefully expurgated, that the rising generation may be free from the danger of using strong language: for the influence of the classics upon the youth of the present is profound. The organization will not be disbanded until swearing, like the use of intoxicating liquors, is stamped out. "Hell" as Samuel Johnson once remarked, "is paved with good intentions".