II. THE REVOLT OF THE GOODIES.

THE Goodies rose up in rebellion, they say,

And refused to do any more work,

And all 'cause a proctor had hinted one day

That their duties they'd frequently shirk.

Missis Biddie O'Donnell had charge of the room

Of the proctor who made this assertion;

She grew very mad, and leaned on her broom,

And stoutly denied the aspersion.

"But I'll tell ye the truth, Mishter Miller," said she,

"If ye mane that I'm idle at all,

I'll not du the laste little trifle for ye,

Though down on yer knees ye should fall."

The proctor he laughed in an innocent way

And told her he'd have her reported,

For indolence gross, on the very next day,

To which Mistress Biddie retorted : -

"Och, shure I don't care, but do jist as ye please,

I'll lave ye to do yer own work;

Be jabbers, I've lived in the best families

But I niver have seen such a Turk."

Then out of the room the virago did haste,

And into the Yard she did hie,

And muttering something about an "ould baste,"

She summoned the Goodies near by.

The Goodies emerged from the cellars and bins

With brushes and dust pan in hand;

Bandannas were tied 'neath their bristle-clad chins,

And their petticoats looped with a band.

Mistress Biddie O'Donnell was the foremost to speak

As her sisters ran up to the spot,

Her lungs were as strong as her grammar was weak,

And her words fell like volleys of shot.

"Now, ladies," said she, (and her arms round whirled

Like a weather-cock's vane in a gale),

"If there's any good crayters still left in the world

Shure, pity for us he will fale."

"Them tyrants of proctors I cannot abide,

But I'll never do any thing more,

For one of them divvils began me to chide

Because I hadn't swept clanely his floor.

"They same to forget that we ladies have rights

As much as thim divvils in there,

And I ask of yees all to pay off their spites

And to lave them alone let us swear."

The Queen of the Goodies this moment appeared,

Her hair flowing wildly behind;

And her coming was shrilly and lustily cheered,

By her minions in conclave combined.

The Queen then was hurriedly told all the news,

And she in a moment consented

That to do any work they should wholly refuse,

Till the insolent proctor repented.

In this way was started the Goodies' revolt,

And all in the college must bend

On account of one pitiless proctorish dolt,

Till the rage of the ladies should end.

The rooms in the Yard were untouched and unswept;

The ashes piled up on the floor;

The students, unrested, with haggard face crept

From their beds that were made up no more.

The dust it soon covered the tables and chairs

And dropped in the corners and nooks;

It buried the pictures, and, quite unawares,

Enshrouded the backs of the books.

Thus day followed day, and the nuisance increased,

But the Goodies in purpose were firm,

And bribes and entreaties availed not the least,

For they threatened to "strike the whole term."

Then the Faculty met in their time-hallow'd shrine,

To consider, with weighty reflection,

Some way to bring o'er the recalcitrant nine,

And make them return to subjection.

Professor and proctors and tutors arose

To offer some startling suggestion,

But the President sat in a state comatose

Till they called for the previous question.

And then 'twas agreed that the very next morn

With the Goodies they'd seek for a parley;

And a card by a messenger straightway was borne,

To the Queen and her underlings snarly.

When Phoebus got up from the bed of the sea

(As Homer of old would have stated),

The Faculty met in the Yard' neath a tree,

And the Goodies' arrival awaited.

Like Amazons ancient these ladies approached

Their faces all freckled and haughty;

The insolence then of the proctor was broached

By the Queen, in a voice rather forte.

The President, wavering, centred his trust

In gaining her over by ruses;

But nothing would do, and the Faculty must

On their knees offer up their excuses.

Then into their pockets they hustled their pride,

And bowed them in meek supplication,

And the Goodies stood up in a line by their side,

And laughed at this strange degradation.

'Twas a wonderful sight, I assure you, to see

The President down on his bended knee,

Begging the Queen to return to her duty

And praising her industry, wisdom, and beauty.

Then the Queen bade him rise, of forgiveness assured,

And promised her tribe would obey;

And the Faculty rose, of their haughtiness cured,

And hurried crestfallen away.

And this is the cause that from that day to this

No fellow has ever made bold -

If the Goodies do any thing ill, or amiss -

Their ladyships ever to scold.