ALL BROKE UP.

CHUM said, "Brace up, take some beer, do you good, my old fel -" He fell with a heavy thud, the boot-jack did its work. Wearily casting myself upon the ottoman after this effective display of energy, I seized my throbbing brow with both hands and exclaimed, "Oh, what a day we've had! Chum, slowly coming to, gathers his fractured members from debris of boot jack, murmurs incoherently, "Kiss me, mother, ere I die." "Get up, you drivelling idiot," I muttered, "and for the love of heaven collect me a bottle of seltzer." Chum exits, muttering something about "O tempt us! O more ease," whatever that may mean. Never suspected it before, but think chum has been drinking.

"Confound this sofa, wish it wouldn't sway so," - pause - smile - "how absurd, sofa don't sway, how can it? Contrary to all laws of nature. I know what it is, it's this poor, miserable head of mine; trouble's here, sofa's all right." This momentary flash of intelligence overcomes me, and I fall into a blissful doze. "Click, click," goes the letter box. I start up suddenly, exclaim viciously, and stagger mechanically towards the door. "Suppose it's another postal for my chum announcing meeting of St. Paul's or Natural History Societies. No, by Jove! it's for me. Yes, I knew it would be a bill. Breakage at last dinner, $5." Lying down again on the sofa, I try to think of my thoughts. "Three days before that examination, and haven't opened a book, - that's refreshing. What can keep chum so long? Oh, that this cold snap hadn't snapped the neck off all my bottles of Apollinaris Water! Forensic due Wednesday, and haven't written a word yet. What a fool I am! How I wish, instead of spending the evening with that English-American Pressed-coat Poole, I had come home and ground! I wonder what this paper is on the floor. Why, it's the morning Echo! 'E??? Echo, ha! ha! joke. Give that to their item editor, poor thing! What's this editorial? 'The Greek Play.' Oh! take it away. Throw paper in the fire. What wouldn't I give for a dozen Little Neck clams. Well, there goes the twelve o'clock bell, and I must brace. Think I'd better get up and dress for lunch; and I hereby resolve not to go in town again until our Sophomore dinner."