SLIGHTLY THE WRONG MAN.

"GOOD enough!" I inelegantly exclaimed as I read Jack's letter, in which he said he would come down the next day and stay a week with me; and I forthwith bounced out on the piazza and announced the news to my two sisters, three cousins, and the other young ladies who were reclining in the shade of the maples, alternately yawning and gaping to amuse themselves.

To tell the truth, I was inordinately delighted to have Jack come. I had found it pretty dull penned up in that little country boarding-house all summer with nine girls, and myself the only masculine juvenile on the premises.

One girl under extremely favorable circumstances will do very well, but I tell you when you have nine of them, all with entirely different inclinations and propensities, to which you must conform your own, it makes a fellow long again for those happy ante-woman days when Adam could go fishing all the morning, and play tennis all the afternoon, in the delightful consciousness that as yet there was no Eve shrieking out the kitchen window that if he wanted any dinner he'd better come home and start the fire, and he need n't use any kerosene either.

But to return, Jack would greatly relieve me. Jack was what in plebeian parlance is sometimes denominated a "masher." In other words, he was good-looking and very facetious, hence the girls very naturally succumbed.

There was an instant cessation of gaping under the maples.

"Is he handsome?" asked cousin Sade.

"Is he aesthetic?" murmured Miss Raphael, a languishing Vassar Soph.

None of the young ladies had ever seen him, and as they all evinced a very unusual interest in the new-comer, I detailed at great length all his many excellences, dwelling with especial emphasis upon his irresistible humor, for Jack was one of the most comical fellows I ever had the good fortune to meet.

"Why, girls," said I, "You can't imagine how awfully comical Jack is; it's really painful at times. Why, he'll make you laugh till you shed every gray hair in your head. Talk about Mark Twain, - I tell you after you've been in the room with Jack half an hour you can take any story of Mark Twain's you please, and 't would make you weep to read it, it would seem so serious and sorrowful.

"Just for example, one time he and I were calling on an old minister, a dear friend of his mother, and in the course of the conversation the old gentleman remarked that a fire had occurred very near him the day before, which however he said he had not witnessed.

"Jack had not heard of the fire before, but he answered: -

"Oh! did n't you go? You don't know what you missed. 'T was the most thrilling sight I ever saw. I think it was the foreman of one of the companies, - anyway there was a child left by oversight in the fourth story of the building, and this man, whoever he was, went up to rescue it. The whole building was in flames, and while he was looking for the child the staircases burned entirely through and fell, so that there was no means of descent. It seemed as if the brave fireman and his precious burden must perish in the flames, but in a moment he appeared at a window and called out lustily to the pipemen below, "Put on that three-inch pipe;" and when they had done it, he cried, "Now throw me the strongest stream you can, right in this window;" and in dashed the stream with powerful force, right through the casement where he stood. Well, sir, I never should have believed it, if I had not stood right there and seen it; but, sir, that man took the child under one arm and throwing the other right around that stream of water he came sliding down on it, slow and easy, till he touched the ground.'

"The old divine looked at his wife, and looked at Jack, and looked at himself, and finally said, 'Well! I declare;' and the last thing Jack and I heard as we went down the front steps was, 'Well, I declare!'

" 'T was rather hard on our ancient friend, I'll acknowledge, but wasn't it absurd? Oh! he's a genius, Jack is; I doubt if there'll be one of you able to sit up in her chair two minutes after he comes into the room. You'll all be rolling off under the sofa, or holding on to the wall for support." and thus I dilated the entire morning on Jack's all-pervading facetiousness, and I had so thoroughly excited the risibility of those nine girls that the mere anticipation of his coming put them into frequent ecstasies of merriment. I knew Jack would be appreciated. The girls seemed prepared to smile.

The next morning I drove down to the station to meet him. I was not positive that he would be on that train, accordingly I was not greatly disappointed at not finding him.

I was looking vacantly at the departing train when I heard a familiar voice close behind me: "How did you know that I was coming out today?" and turning I saw a classmate of mine, George Curtis, to whom I had extended a standing invitation to visit me in my summer retirement. I was glad to see him, though he came rather unexpectedly.

George was a very fine fellow, but just the reverse of Jack. He was one of your real good, conscientious young men, rather diffident, and particularly sensitive over a habit of stuttering, which whenever he was at all embarrassed be came very noticeable.

We jumped into the carriage and drove towards the expectant company of ladies. I had said nothing about them, and so when he alighted at the piazza and beheld that extended array of femininity, his soul sank within him and the gift of articulate speech was gone.

I saw the smile of expectation that illumined their faces, and consequently in order to undeceive them I placed particular emphasis on his name as I introduced him, but it was evident that in their impatience for the entertainment to begin they had not heeded the name.

"We're very glad you've come. We've heard cousin Will speak of you so often, we feel quite well acquainted with you," ventured Anna, the usual spokeswoman for the nine.

"I-I-I-I-I," gasped poor George, while his eyes grew bloodshot, and his hands writhed in and out of his coat-pockets. This developed the smile into a merry rippling laugh. This helped the matter but little, but George made a second attempt.

"I beg-beg-beg - ex-ex-ex - I g-g-guess - Here there was a universal burst of merriment.

George was aroused, and with his indignation came a partial return of coherence.

"I am greatly off-off-fended. I am much in-in-in-in - " but he had to give this up, and as the greatness of his affliction came home to him, unspeakable distress overspread his face and he exclaimed, "I wish-sh-sh I were d-d-dead!"

This was greeted by a perfect shriek of laughter. The girls rolled from side to side and clung to their chairs. "Just see that expression!" cried Lu. "Oh, this is too utterly overpowering! You did n't half prepare us, Will. Oh dear me!" and she held her sides together and gasped.

With tears springing to his eyes George fled from the house. I started after him but could not overtake him. I returned and stood for a moment looking at those hysterical girls, and then for about half an hour I practised for the Boylston prize. I talked about idiots, and dolts, and imbeciles, and called people daft and beetle-headed, and expressed my gratitude that I had not been created either a woman or a wooden goat, and - well, George dropped his handkerchief in his haste to see the outside of the gate, but he never came back after it.