WHAT WE ARE COMING TO; OR, HARVARD IN 1981.

A Room in Luxury Hall. Seated at a table, a girl is busily writing; a knock at the door, and enters JIM.

JIM. Hello, Min, what are you doing? Come out and take a stroll.

MINNIE. Aw, davilish sorry, Jim, my boy; but really can't, you know, aw : am writing an examination in Hydrostatics 10, aw; and I gave my word, you know, to do it in three hours; and by Jove, you know, no fellow would be so low as to exceed her time. Take a seat, aw. You'll find a box of Havannahs, aw, on the table; the old lady sent them yesterday, aw. I'll be through, aw, in fifteen minutes.

(JIM takes a cigar, and puffs away in silence till MINNIE finishes.)

MINNIE. There, by Jove, time's up, and I've, aw, only done half the paper, aw; and am afraid I've got a condition. Well, I'll take the paper round to old Toddy-blossom, and then we'll go down and take in the crew, aw.

(MINNIE lights her T. D. pipe, and they go out arm in arm, discussing the good old times when the students weren't put on their honor, and could crib through an examination.)

SCENE II. - A Recitation.

Room in Ecstasy Hall. A free-lunch counter furnished with cigars and wine; four or five girls and two or three men in easy-chairs, smoking and drinking; MISS CARBUNCLE, Instructress, at a desk.

MISS CARBUNCLE. Before beginning this course, ladies and gentlemen, I should like to say, that I hope you have not forgotten what little Arabic and Hebrew you knew when you came here. Therefore I shall have no hesitation in referring you -

(Enter MISS SINEWS and MISS MUSCLE.)

1st STUDENT. Aw, pawdon, Miss Carbuncle; but really, you know, I wish you would request Miss Sinews and Miss Muscle to leave off their jerseys, aw, when they come to recitation. Not that I care, you know; but really, by Jove, one must have some consideration for the dear men, you know, aw.

CHORUS OF LADY STUDENTS. Aw, yas, you know, Miss Carbuncle.

(The two oarswomen withdraw, and Miss CARBUNCLE continues.)

As I was saying, in taking up so abstruse a subject as -

2d LADY STUDENT. Aw, pawdon, Miss Carbuncle; but could I trouble you for a light, aw? My hubble-bubble has gone out, aw.

3d L. S. And, aw, Miss C., don't you think, aw, a lecture is a trifle stupid, aw? Let's adjourn for a week.

Miss C. Just as you say, ladies.

CHORUS OF L. S. Aw, yes; let's adjourn.

SCENE III. - The Varsity Crew.

The Boat-house. The Varsity Crew are rowing by; MINNIE and JIM are on the Float.

MINNIE. Aw, the crew are rowing well, aw. I telephoned Sal Hinkley at Yale yesterday, - a silk waist against a case of champagne that we beat, by Jove.

JIM. The thing looks feasible, Min; but you don't want to be too preliminary in these sort of things. I am a little shaky about the crew. I don't like the stroke Jennie Sinews sets : she buckets, and isn't quick enough on the recover. Then, the bow there is terrible, terrible. Sal Biceps will never make a good oar : back's too short; all her strength lies in her arms. As for Billy Pigmy, the coxswain, he'll lose his head when he sees Biddy Cooke's crew alongside of ours at New London. There! look now, how your chum, Fanny Muscle, splashed. Umph! that will never do. They took that bridge well. Now they're gone, Min, let's go up to the Square, and have a game of billiards before dinner.

(The curtain falls, and with it vanishes the picture of what Harvard will be when we get coeducation and its accompaniments.)

F.