TRIALS OF COLLEGE LIFE.

AS I was ruminating one evening, about a fortnight ago, on Addison's portrayal of the discontent of man, I insensibly fell asleep. Suddenly it seemed that the Faculty had issued a proclamation that all in the University should bring their griefs and calamities and throw them down in one heap. Holmes Field was chosen for the purpose. I took my stand in the centre, and saw with a great deal of pleasure the whole College marching, one after another, and laying down their several loads. There was a certain lady, of thin, airy shape, who seemed to have the management of the solemnity. She held a book in her hand, and I guessed her name from the warning that was painted on her forehead, -

"Who now do deal with me

Harassed shall ever be."

She led each mortal up to the appointed place, and, after having officiously assisted him in relieving himself of his burden, bade him look to his elective. My heart melted to see my companions groaning under their respective loads. There were, however, one or two persons who gave me great diversion. I observed a swell Senior bringing in a bundle carefully concealed under a polished silk hat, which, on his throwing it down in the heap, I discovered to be a bill at Carl's. A Junior, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, on examination, I found to be his flabby chum. There were numbers of black eyes and sore heads; and, strange to relate, those who had thrown these down had Phi. B. K. clearly stamped on their features. Of the multitude that crowded into the field there were scores of Annex members, Professors, Base-ballists, Oarsmen, and many others whom I had never even suspected of envy.

While I was regarding this collection of miseries, the Faculty issued a second proclamation, that every one should now be allowed to exchange his affliction with any he might select from the heap, and that, the choice once made, every one must rest contented for a week.

The Annex nymphs were soon busy among themselves, bartering for gains. Those who were beautiful looked for knowledge, as usual, while the ugly ones strove for features. What I particularly noticed was, that those in a state of mediocrity also strove for knowledge, for every woman in that state thinks she is beautiful.

The ambitious Chinese Professor walked away with the elective in Fine Arts; while the professor in that subject seemed well pleased with the easy work which the Chinaman had laid down.

The changes in afflictions having been made, the multitude slowly left the field, reading the notices which had been given out to them. On these were written, -

"The mortals who receive these cards

Must in one week pay their regards."

A week has passed; hear the sequel of my vision.

The whole field was now filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentation.

The oarsman who had made the unlucky swap with the base-ballist went around groaning over hands which looked like miniature boxing-gloves, while the would-be oarsman was lame and sore all over.

The poor Sophomore who had laid down his elective in History 7 and had taken French 1 found that there was some punishment worse than being perpetually rocked to sleep. The Annex beauties who had exchanged their beauty for knowledge went around wailing because the scouts no longer stopped their work to carry them over the college puddles.

I could not help pitying the poor Chinaman, who presented a most woful appearance. His sad story is soon told. True to the instinct of a foreigner, he had made a pun in his Fine Arts Lecture. The fellows endeavored to show their appreciation by a thundering wooding-up and yells of applause. This seeming derision was too much for the hot blood of the Eastern Despot, - he sailed for the rabble. . . . The pieces of pigtail and silk trousers which hang as trophies in rooms of Seniors and Juniors might suggest his appearance as he came on the field.

Of the many sad though sometimes amusing results of divers exchanges, I may speak in some future paper. It is well, however, to add here, that the Faculty, having given back to each his proper calamity, sent them away contented.