A FACT.

WHEN James the First was merry England's King,

He reckoned it a very hurtful thing

To use the weed;

And in his Counterblast, so full of learning,

That smoke belonged to regions famed for burning

It was agreed.

Throughout the land the monarch's dictum ran,

And many an anti-smoking Englishman

It did create;

No need to say it was against the rules

Of all respectable, well-ordered schools

To fumigate.

But relished ever are clandestine fruits,

And prohibition very little boots,

Whate'er the fault.

(Who would the truth of this assertion know,

Let him observe the towns which voted "No"

Regarding malt.)

A certain Dominie, of learning deep,

Happened a boys' academy to keep,

About this time;

In James' idea he had belief implicit,

And looked on smoking as an act illicit,

A very crime.

These notions to his youth he oft imparted,

And when the Doc, became once fairly started

Upon this theme,

His wrathful eloquence would know no curb,

And stormed he at the counterblasted herb

In terms extreme.

Unhappily the youth were not impressed

Deeply as Doc. had hoped, by his protest

So frantic.

They voted him an aged idiotic,

And James' tirade against the blest narcotic

Pedantic.

So, like the school-boys of the present day,

In secrecy they smoked the furtive clay,

Without regard.

Similar courses are sometimes pursued

In colleges, where smoking is tabooed

Within the yard.

Some little time these adolescent souls

Enjoyed the sweets of their forbidden bowls

Without detection;

Till, on a luckless day, an odor rose

Which, smelt by Dominie's repugnant nose,

Called for inspection.

Forthwith the nasal summons he obeyed,

And soon the tainted atmosphere betrayed

A dormitory,

Where, armed with pipe and pouch, engaged in chat,

A dozen youthful cloud-compellers sat

In smoky glory.

"How dare you smoke?" quoth Dominie in rage;

Then turning to the most advanced in age,

"Come, sir, explain."

"Sir," said the lad, "I have a tooth which aches

Acutely, and I find that smoking takes

Away the pain."

The rest made similar excuse in turn;

Colic, neuralgia, headache, and heartburn,

And influenza.

With each reply the Doctor's wrath rose higher,

And to the youngest bellowed he in ire,

"What ails you, then, sir?"

The questioned youth a fraction of a minute

Glanced at the Doctor's face, and something in it

His hesitation warns.

Confused he sought the first pretext in mind,

Then gravely, hypocritically whined,

"Please, sir, I smoke for corns."