AROUND THE IVIES: Men's Basketball Poised to Clinch Crown

There are just two weeks left in the Ivy basketball season.

Harvard can clinch at least a share of the Ancient Eight title by sweeping the Killer P’s this weekend at Lavietes Pavilion, where it hasn’t lost in 27 consecutive games—the second-longest current streak in the country.

If it wins both contests, and Yale loses to Columbia and Penn falls to Dartmouth Friday night, the Crimson would win its first outright championship in program history. But there’s about as good a chance of both those things happening as there is of Ron Paul winning the Republican nomination, so Harvard will almost certainly have to wait until next weekend for the chance to clinch an outright title.

Last year, the weekend before the Oscars, I wrote a column comparing every Ancient Eight team to a Best Picture nominee. Though I haven’t seen most of the movies nominated this year—and really, who has?—I did notice some striking similarities between them and the Ivy squads.

For example, Columbia is “Moneyball,” the story of an underdog that overachieves despite losing its best player. Cornell is “Midnight in Paris,” with a man (Chris Wroblewski) realizing that the people he once admired are no longer with him, leaving him nostalgically wishing to return to the better days of the past.

Penn is “The Descendents,” with one major star carrying a story people would otherwise have no interest in. Princeton is “The Help,” as both take place in societies dominated by white people.

Brown is “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close,” as I imagine that’s how most Bears players feel about Jesse Agel. Plus, both bombed despite having two stars and were never really in contention in the first place. Dartmouth is “War Horse,” as each is about as interesting as an early-1900s British period piece about a horse.

Yale is “The Artist,” because it’s silent about things it probably shouldn’t be so silent about. Actually, sorry, I got confused—that’s the Yale Daily News. We’ll say the Bulldogs are “The Tree of Life,” because, like Brad Pitt in the movie, Greg Mangano is a major star that always seems so angry.

That leaves the Crimson as “Hugo”—no standout performances, but strong supporting casts and two great leaders in Tommy Amaker and Martin Scorcese who teach us that the past is not something that to run away from.

On to the week five picks.

PRINCETON (15-10, 6-3 Ivy) AT HARVARD (23-3, 9-1)

Last time the Tigers came to Lavietes, Bill Simmons, Drew Faust, and the Lew Alcindor (pre-superstar) version of Jeremy Lin were in the stands on a magical night in which Harvard clinched a share of its first Ivy title ever.

But as the Crimson would later discover, the old kindergarten lesson of “sharing is caring” that we all learn when playing with toy trucks does not apply when sharer A wins the subsequent truck race by edging out sharer B at the final second, ruining B’s chance to represent the class at the giant toy convention for the first time in 65 years, even though A has already been to the convention 23 times.

Anyway, B has learned its lesson: never share things with anyone unless you absolutely have to. And a win tonight would put it in great position to finally get to that toy convention at long last.

Pick: Harvard 67, Princeton 60

PENN (15-11, 7-2) AT DARTMOUTH (5-21, 1-9)

It’s times like these when you really start to hate having Dartmouth as a travel partner. The Crimson could really use a tired, worn-down Quaker team on the second day of Penn’s road trip tomorrow night, but things like that never happen because Harvard’s Saturday opponent always gets to calmly cruise past the Big Green the night before.

I can’t hate on Dartmouth too much, though, as the squad took my inspirational message to heart last week and beat Brown for the sole purpose of helping me nail down another perfect week of picks.

I can see it now: the Big Green sitting around their locker room reading my column before the game, when all of a sudden Jvonte Brooks yells “Scott’s right, we can do this!” as the rest of the players stand up in agreement. Suddenly, Gabas Maldunas comes in and proclaims “THIS...IS...DARTMOUTH!!!!” The squad runs onto the court all fired up, and the rest is history.

I’m proud of you, Dartmouth, and I appreciated the nice thing you did for me.

But, unfortunately, you’re not winning another game this season. Because, let’s be honest, most of the middle school teams that play in the halftime games could beat you guys.

Pick: Penn 69, Dartmouth 62

COLUMBIA (14-12, 3-7) AT YALE (17-7, 7-3)

These teams have basically been polar opposites this year. Despite their conference records, Yale hasn’t really been the much better squad.

Columbia’s seven conference losses this season have come by an average of just four points, and it’s played the big three of Harvard, Yale, and, most recently, Penn extremely well.

But things just haven’t fallen the Lions’ way, as with last Saturday, when the Quakers hit an alley-oop layup at the overtime buzzer. Anytime you get beat by a male named Fran, you know it’s just not your year.

The Bulldogs, on the other hand, are the third luckiest team in the country, according to Ken Pomeroy.

So, sorry Columbia—sometimes it’s just better to be lucky than good.

Pick: Yale 65, Columbia 58

CORNELL (10-14, 5-5) AT BROWN (7-20, 1-9)

Oh, Brown. You’re just so terrible. You’ve lost seven straight, with your only Ivy win coming against Dartmouth.

I would call you the Cubs since you don’t deserve to be called Bears, but there’s already a bad sports team named the Cubs. And I couldn’t really change your first name either, since there’s not much that represents crap better than the color brown. So, enjoy it, Brown. I’ve run out of jokes to make fun of you—that’s how bad you are.

Cornell, meanwhile, continues to be uninterestingly mediocre. Before lacrosse season gets into gear this weekend, perhaps the hoops team should give Rob Pannell a look. The Big Red could use any help it can get.

Pick: Cornell 62, Brown 58

PENN AT HARVARD

Zachary, this is it. Your last shot, your final hurrah. I know deep down you regret not coming to Harvard when you had the chance. And I know the past four years, all you’ve wanted to do was win an Ivy League title to prove to yourself you made the right decision.

And so, here we are. The biggest game of your life. Time to leave everything on the line. You can’t lose this one, or every single crazy shot you’ve thrown up this season in a last-gasp attempt to singlehandedly carry your team to victory will have been worthless.

Sure, it’s been a great career. But do you always want to be the Quaker Dan Marino, the star that just couldn’t get over the hump?

Of course not. That’s why tomorrow night you need to turn in a performance up there with the likes of flu-ridden MJ in the ’97 finals while Tyler, your fellow desperate senior, plays the Scottie Pippen role.

Yet at the end of the day, Zack, you’ll find yourself falling just short once again, as Harvard is just too good at home.

But when you do, don’t despair too much. Calder and company will be there waiting with a big hug and a fancy, high-quality, super-expensive breakfast buffet when you get home, because in the glorious pancake mecca that is Philadelphia, of course, one would expect nothing less.

Pick: Harvard 67, Penn 62

PRINCETON AT DARTMOUTH

Last time these two teams met, the Big Green held Tigers star Ian Hummer to 0-11 shooting from the field. Princeton won by 12. That’s about all you need to know about Dartmouth.

Pick: Princeton 58, Dartmouth 52

BROWN AT COLUMBIA

If one still doubts the validity of the Ewing Theory—Simmons’ idea that certain teams play better when its best player gets injured or isn’t in the game—consider the Lions.

After losing Noruwa Agho, last year’s Ivy leading scorer, to a season-ending injury just two games into the year, one would’ve predicted Columbia would struggle to win any games at all this season.

But the squad came together in the absence of the ball-dominant guard, and since a two-game adjustment period has gone 14-8—including a 10-1 stretch midway through the year—and, as I mentioned, has been in every Ivy game it has played.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, Brown. But no, you can’t purposely injure Sean McGonagill. It just wouldn’t be right.

Pick: Columbia 57, Brown 54

CORNELL AT YALE

The Bulldogs came out flat in their biggest game of the season once again last Saturday, falling to Harvard by 14. Amazingly, that defeat didn’t even make Yale’s top three losses to the Crimson this year. For it would be tough to do much worse than football’s 45-7 thrashing, men’s basketball’s earlier 65-35 annihilation, and women’s hockey’s 8-0 demolition of the Bulldogs, all of which occurred in New Haven.

In fact, sprinkle in this year’s other disasters—the Patrick Witt and Tom Williams scandals, the 2010-2011 No. 1 men's hockey team’s fall to the middle of the 2011-2012 ECAC pack, Reggie Willhite’s mohawk, the men’s squash team’s epic playoff collapse, and the women’s hockey team’s worst-palindrome-ever 1-27-1 season—and what do you get?

In the eyes of the YDN, only one of the best seasons in the history of Bulldog athletics, of course!

For if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Yale is currently the beholder, and it’s a drunken, blind pirate who doesn’t know what beauty is.

But we shouldn’t be too hard on our New Haven friends. Because when you’re always finishing behind two other schools, it’s only natural to develop a different definition of success.

So go ahead, Yale, be proud of yourself. You’re doing just great. Hopefully you won’t beat the Big Red and put a dint on all your aforementioned achievements this year.

Pick: Yale 70, Cornell 64

LAST WEEK: 8-0

SEASON: 27-3

—Staff writer Scott A. Sherman can be reached at ssherman13@college.harvard.edu.