HUPD Police Log 3/1 - 3/31: Icicle Issues and a Hungry Laundry Machine

HUPD has had their hands full with us Harvard students over the past few weeks. Between unwanted guests and loud music, annoying faxes, and suspicious sleepers, it seems that a lot's been going on around campus. As part of our Securitas Series, we've combed through recent HUPD logs and published some of the more colorful entries below.

March 3

Officers dispatched to a report of an unwanted guest in the building. Officers arrived and report individual was just grabbing a coffee and leaving the area.

I am also probably an unwanted guest before my morning cup o’ joe.

March 5

Officers dispatched to a report of an individual acting aggressively towards an employee. Officers arrived and report it was a misunderstanding and all was in order.

“For the last time, I want to add guac and I KNOW it costs extra!”

March 6

Officer dispatched to take a report of two stolen locks, a chain valued at $20.00, and a Troybuilt snow blower valued at $800.00.

Snow anxiety at its most desperate.

Officer dispatched to a report of a broken window. Officer arrived and report broken window due to falling icicles.

Direct karma for saying you don’t like the movie Frozen.

March 7

Officer dispatched to a report of loud noise coming from the area. Officer arrived and report students acting out a protest as a joke.

How dare HUPD write off the protest of winter as a “joke.”

March 9

Officer dispatched to a report of a possible hazardous condition. Officer arrived and report no Harvard buildings being effected. CFD is taking care of issue.

*affected. Apparently HUPD’s policing efforts do not include grammar.

March 10

Officer dispatched to take a report of an annoying fax an office received.

We have seen reports of annoying texts, calls, and emails, but a fax? Take your Walkman and your Lisa Frank notebook back to the 1990s.

March 12

Officers dispatched to a report of an individual in the area looking into several windows. Officers arrived and report individual gone on arrival.

“The rumors are true: the dorm rooms at Harvard are unjustifiably small.”

Officer dispatched to take a report of stolen laundry valued at $86.00.

Or, the laundry machine was hungry for more than socks.

March 16

Officers dispatched to a report of loud noise coming from a construction site. Officers arrived and report noise was from construction site and that they were done for the night.

On behalf of HUPD, I’d like to remind everyone to use basic logic before phoning in a complaint.

March 25

Officers dispatched to a report of an unwanted guest sleeping in the stairwell. Officers arrived, located individual and sent them on their way.

HUPD not only saved the day but also saved that person some serious back issues.

March 27

Officers dispatched to a report of an individual peeping under the stalls in the restroom.

“Officer, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t anyone else in here before I took a #2.”

March 28

Officer dispatched to a report of a hazardous condition. Officer arrived and report numerous hypodermic needles located in the driveway. The officer disposed of the needles.

Someone is going to be disappointed that grandma couldn’t finish that embroidered...oh wait wrong kind of needle.