Something Is Rotten in the State of Cambridge
I never thought that my sense of smell was terribly good, but Iām pretty certain that the yard smells like poop. To the displeasure of many Harvard students, at least once every semester a wave of aromatized feces seems to invade the everyoneās nostrils.
Nobody really knows why this happens. During my time here, Iāve casually asked some friends for their opinions. An interesting hypothesis is that once the winterās layers of snow melt away, old pet droppings become exposed to the outside world. Another friend hypothesized that the Divest Heat Week protesters probably havenāt bathed in weeks, although thatās surely not trueāitās likely only been a few days since theyāve last bathed.
As the respected investigative reporter that I am, I felt like it was my duty as a Crimson Kid and a Harvard student to get to the bottom of this controversy.
Last week, I tried to interview a man driving what could only be described as a brown-dust-spewing machine on why the particulate being expelled from his tractor-like contraption smelled so bad, but I couldnāt really hear him over the rattle of the engine.
Feeling defeated, I sent Harvard Yard Ops an email. When Anthony J. Pacillo, Associate Director of Residential Facilities, told me that āthe smell you may be referring to is the āorganic fertilizerā we use in the Yard,ā I was shocked.
I just stood there for many minutes, staring into the computer screen. How could the fertilizer be the culprit? How could the substance we look up to for bringing grass (and thus summer happiness) to the Northeast be so aromatically abrasive?
I would have asked more questions, but a tear started to roll down my cheek and I replied with a simple āthank youā in fear of my waterfalling tears damaging my keyboard. I then went to the Google and did some research. I first googled āpoop plants,ā but that gave me many unpleasant results. I then looked up āmanure fertilizerā (a far more scientific term). After literally two minutes of research, I found from an article on fertilizers from the San Francisco Chronicle that manure āmakes an excellent fertilizer and soil conditioner,ā which is dandy.
However, my research also made me privy of something far more alarming than a stinky odor. According to the article, manure-based fertilizer is rich in āthe presence of harmful pathogens [and] parasites.ā Iām no scientist, but Iām pretty sure pathogens and parasites can make people sick.
Is Harvard trying to intentionally make its students sick? Is this part of a larger plot by the University to funnel ill children into the new CVS and buy increased amounts of medicine? This warrants future in-depth investigationā¦