Sexiling 101

Let’s face it, sexiling your roommate is awkward. Nobody likes finding out he’s been banished to the less-than-magical land of  the Friend’s Futon. But hey, at least you’re having a better night than he is!

Here’s a three-step guide to being the most courteous sexually active roommate this side of the Charles:

1. Communication. Nice guys may finish last, but they also start early. If you think something’s a brewin’, let your roommate know ASAP. A simple text works. If he doesn’t respond, try posting to his Facebook or tweeting at him or something subtle like that. There’s also this new thing called Yo, which does as little and as much as you think it does.

2. Leave a gift. I’m sure your hookup/future soulmate won’t mind if on the walk home you insist on stopping at Felipe’s and grabbing your roommate a burrito. Shove it in the door mailbox and cover it up with the millions of pamphlets you've received. It’ll be better than whatever garbage the Harvard Lampoon, a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine, drops in there.

3. Follow the rules. You probably established rules, so be sure to follow them. Stay off your roommate’s bed, turn his stuffed animals to face the wall, and exterminate the evidence when you’re done!

And for that noisy neighbor? There’s only one tip you need:

The Cheer. Assemble everyone in your entryway (that isn’t having his own nighttime fun) outside the room of the abuser and cheer loudly: “You can do it! I believe in you! Break a leg!” To add insult to injury, scream “Encore!”