Harvard Comes in First on Most Important Ranking Yet

While we may have come in second on U.S. News & World Report's latest list, at least we’re winning where it counts. That’s right, boys and girls, the Betches from Betches Love This have given our humble university the number one spot on their list of Ivy League betchiness. This is quite possibly our biggest accomplishment to date! (I would go so far as to argue that this is even more impressive than the $2.8 billion we have already raised for the Harvard Campaign.)

You may be asking yourself, just how exactly did we achieve such a feat?

The Betches have a ranking system of their own, which they base on factors like exclusivity, hotness, and celebrity alumni—but they missed a few key reasons why we are rightly the betchiest Ivy League university of them all.

1. Sushi in Lamont.

Our 24-hour library serves sushi until 2 a.m. every night. Does it get betchier than this anywhere in the world?

2. Veritaffles.

Our waffle makers literally have our insignia engraved into them.

3. Free HBO.

Harvard has hooked us up with free HBO for as long as we go here. Now we can have sushi and Game of Thrones marathons in the library or watch Girls whenever we want.

4. Libraries.

An unmatched set of academic libraries, with basically the most books in the world and blah, blah, blah, nobody cares; we all know it’s about the fun library traditions.

5. Harvard = Hogwarts.

With Annenberg and our 12-House sorting system, we basically go to that secret magical university that everyone looks up to growing up… not only do we get to live out our dreams now, but we also get to live out everyone else’s.