Bartley Identifies 'Suspects' Who Broke Store Window

Michelle Obama, Ted Kennedy, Skip Gates, and Bill Bartley all have one thing in common—they sure didn't break Mr. Bartley's window over the holiday weekend.

But who did?

"Unless you're a liberal wacko, you're a suspect," said Bill E. Bartley, the general manager of Bartley's Gourmet Burgers. He proceeded to list names off the restaurant's celebrity burger menu.

"Check Joe Biden, though," he said, before turning to this correspondent and asking for her alibi. "What were you doing on Sunday?"

"Um ... ?"

Bartley said he certainly has an alibi. He was on vacation when he received a call Sunday morning from Cambridge police that one of the painted glass windows to his storefront had been broken.

According to the Cambridge Police Department, no one seemed to have gained entry into the store. Bartley said new glass was installed on Friday, and he has found a new artist to repaint the window.

He also hypothesized that most likely a drunk individual "put a butt through it." At least that's what he said happened a year and a half ago when the larger storefront window was broken. Compared to the February 2010 broken window, though, this time's damage was higher up (perhaps Yao Ming's butt, Bartley speculated).

But Bartley said his family's restaurant was not new to broken windows. Bartley recalled a phone booth once smashed into the window back when there was one right in front of the restaurant at least five years ago. Every time, they just get the glass replaced, call in an artist for the repainting, and resume business as usual.

And, of course, Bartley will keep drafting that list of suspects.

"I'd really look into Joe Biden," he said.