Hey, Click on This

Becoming a legit Facebook personality is not easy. But it is possible. Four Harvard students, none of whose names are Bryan A. Haut ’08, have done the unthinkable: their profiles have been clicked more than any other Harvard student’s, according to Mark E. Zuckerberg ’06-’07. Jealous? Just a little bit?

We know. And we’re here to help! A few important steps to becoming the next big Internet thing: For starters, make sure to join at least 19 groups (start some if necessary) and have over 300 friends. Attractive pictures are a must, as is a very active social life. It also helps to have a few stalkers and get noticed by strangers at other schools.

For more suggestions on getting clicked, just study the stories of the people we like to call the “Fabulous Facebook Four.”

Morgan A.C. Henderson ’06 is one of two most-clicked males. How does he deal with this kind of notoriety?

“I try to make my profile short and sweet,” he says, as he stretches out on the couches outside Currier dining hall.

He maintains that his relationship with the Facebook is casual, “I’m probably on like 20 minutes a day,” he says, leaving him genuinely surprised to find out how often he gets checked out. “I mean, I don’t change my profile frequently at all.”

Upon further reflecting, he says, “I blame it on the freshman girls,” he says. Apparently personal ties to the freshman class (his girlfriend) make him a highly desirable download.

Aarti U. Jerath ’04 was mystified by her Facebook status at first. But then she thought a little harder.

“People are always stalking me,” she says. “I guess it’s a natural part of my life.”

The high traffic could also be due to her presence in the restricted-membership group, “Random People Add Me Cuz I’m Hot, Bitch.” Ultimately, Jerath chalks up Facebook philandering to a natural talent for making friends. “Some people have popularity and some people don’t,” she says. “You have to have your own social life or get busy with your work.”

Chris T. Brown ’05 the other king of the Facebook jungle, shares a spot on the crew team with Henderson. One important attribute he lacks, however, is a freshman girlfriend.

So who’s doing the clicking? “My girlfriend graduated in 2003, I doubt it is her or her friends,” Brown says in a sexy British accent.

Now that Brown knows the competition, he is not about to let Henderson have his gang of freshman girls steal all the Facebook glory. “I have to start postering in the Yard. I’ll speak to Morgan and try to stay a step ahead,” he says.

But popularity has its creepy side. “I hope there is not just one really obsessive person clicking on my profile,” he says. Guilty freshman girls: please come forward.

Sara Wajnberg ’03 is one of two Facebook alpha females. How could someone who has already left campus still be an attractive downloadable diva, you ask.

“I use the facebook a lot more now that I’ve graduated than I did while I was in school,” Wajnberg writes in an email. “I have a tedious boring office job like most other recent grads, and thank God my firm hasn’t web-blocked thefacebook.com, so I can spend endless hours perusing profiles.”

Wajnberg, unlike the boys, admitted that she does update her profile quite frequently when “a hilarious witty Harvard-esque comment” is made by a friend. Hard work—and procrastination—are duly rewarded.