Let's Talk About... SEX (Good Sex, That Is)

Dr. Ruth Westheimer answered a lot of the old standards during her visit to Harvard Monday night.

Penis size, anxiety and the various pleasures of the prostate were among the topics raised by the crowd of more than 500 students and Cambridge locals who turned out to hear the good doctor's Science Center speech.

But Westheimer, known to most Americans simply as Dr. Ruth, didn't leave Harvard without tackling several of the hot political issues on campus: date rape and sexual harassment.

In a reception after her talk, Westheimer suggested what she thinks is the best method of avoiding date rape: talking before climbing into bed. Decisions regarding sexual intercourse should be made before a couple is under the covers, she said.

"I believe it has to be very clear to two people where they stand before they go to bed," Westheimer said. "If you don't want to have sex, you have no business being naked in bed with someone."

"A woman can't tease," Westheimer said, adding that "heavy petting" falls within her description of teasing.

"I don't think she can be in bed naked and not have discussed [sex] beforehand," Dr. Ruth said.

Westheimer said that either of the two partners could get "carried away," if a sexual liaison is not preceded by extensive talk.

"I think we have to be very, very careful to talk about these issues and what they mean," she said.

Dr. Ruth, who is internationally known for the sex therapy she offers in books and on radio airwaves, said that she acknowledges some of her views are "old fashioned."

Despite the controversy that has surrounded the College's disciplinary procedure in date rape cases, sexual harassment, and not rape, appears to be the current hot topic.

Westheimer said Monday night that the line between playful talk and sexual harassment is getting harder to draw.

"Using power for sex is wrong," she said. "To have sex under pressure like that is very sad."

Westheimer said that sexual issues, even between consenting adults, merit more consideration than they once did, in light of the AIDS epidemic.

"[Students] really have to think twice about with whom to start a sexual relationship," she said. "The specter of AIDS is terrible for young people."

But, Dr. Ruth said, "Young people are not going to stop having sex."

Or stop talking about it.

Indeed, after an address that drew a crowd big enough to fill Science Center B twice, Ruth was kept occupied with questions from the audience that ranged from tame to down-right tittilating.

One statistically inclined student wanted to know what the average penis size was, and if sizes "several standard deviations below" this mean were cause for concern.

"I'm asked that on every campus," said Dr. Ruth, "but I have never been asked about the standard deviation before."

But Westheimer wasn't left speechless.

"Penis size has nothing to do with the sexual satisfaction of a woman," she said, explaining that the vagina was like a "balloon" and could accommodate any size.

When asked if a woman's desire for anal sex was "normal," Westheimer said, "There is nothing in my way of thinking that is normal or not normal."

However, she suggested that those engaging in anal sex utilize necessary precautions against infection.

Among the precautions prescribed by Dr. Ruth was the use of condoms, which she said she heartily endorses.

And, Westheimer said, she doesn't have much respect for those avoid using condoms by arguing that they inhibit sexual pleasure.

"Sex is not between the waist and the knees," she said. "Sex takes place between your ears."

Westheimer took time out Monday night to praise a local Cambridge law requiring that condom machines be installed in restaurants.

Westheimer also lauded the Peer Contraceptive Counselors, who along with the UHS and Carter-Wallance, the makers of Trojan condoms, sponsored the speech.

However, in such non-professional groups, she said, the right training and the issue of confidentiality has to be stressed.

"You can't walk around bearing the problems of everyone else. You'll end up as short as me," said Westheimer, who stands under five feet tall.

Dr. Ruth, who recently produced several documentaries, said she doesn't foresee an end to her career as a sex therapist for the masses.

"The day I get bored by questions," she said, "that's it. I haven't seen a real competitor yet."

And when asked about future goals, Dr. Ruth said she definitely had her eyes set on Harvard.

Holding up a bib for the audience to see, the good doctor said that, when the time is right, she hopes to enroll her newborn grandson in the College.